Hits-

 

Madworld – Hyper violent and hilarious, this game is a mix of one part Sin City and two parts MXC. A battle to the death futuristic game show (with hosts voiced by Who’s Line Is It Anyway?’s Greg Proops and John DiMaggio, the voice of Bender from Futurama), where our hero Jack uses anything at his disposal to kill opponents as gruesomely as possible. Best combination get the best points. Wrapping an enemy in a tire gets you a lot of points. Running a street sign through his head gets you even more. Impaling him on a spike on the wall get’s you even more. Do all three in a row and you’re rolling in it.

 

Madworld, for my money, is the new, and better, version of what Mortal Kombat was to the gaming industry in the 90’s. Let’s face it; the fighting mechanics (which sucked, frankly) were never the appeal of MK. Actually playing MK was kind of a chore. The appeal was the over the top violence. Well, dumping a flaming garbage can over the head of an enemy and impaling him, Vlad-style, on a spike certainly fits that bill.

 

This game is insanely violent, but it’s all very tongue in cheek. Or is that tongue impaled through cheek? Regardless, the massive amounts of gore and violence are belied by humour throughout. MK has lost its luster in the last couple of years and may be in jeopardy with the financial collapse of Midway. Madworld may be the new game of choice for people who want to tear their enemies in half for a couple of hours.

 

Minor issues exist with the camera controls and sometimes, due to the black and white art style, it’s a little hard to find where you need to go, but for the most part it’s a very well executed (pardon the pun) game.

 

Wii Music – As an actual musician, I hate Guitar Hero and Rock Band with a flaming passion. It’s just playing Dance Dance Revolution with, as The Monarch from Venture Brothers would say, “a little baby guitar.” Sorry, I play big boy guitars. Those rhythm based games are really symptomatic of a larger problem in the music industry- creativity and originality are non-factors. Don’t believe me? Look at the success of American Idol, which is more or less just karaoke on tv. None of them write their own songs, and as far as I can tell, none of them are encouraged to. Sure, they have songs written for them if they get a record contract afterwards, but wouldn’t it be more beneficial to have a songwriting competition? See who can contribute the best song to the musical world? Nope, that’s not as important as “you look pretty and can sing a high note.” And I’m sure producers and executives like Simon Cowell have found that to be the most important thing for sales. But that doesn’t make it right. It’s musical fast food.

 

Anyway, back to my point, Wii Music is a whole different beast than Guitar Hero. The point isn’t simply to replicate a popular song. It’s to come up with your own version; to put your own spin on things. Using the Wii-mote and the nunchuck, you mime the motions for playing anything from a piano to guitar to electric drums to bag pipes to an NES controller that plays like a flute and makes 8-bit sounds. There really is a shit load of instruments in this game, and you can intuitively control each of them. You’ve got control over whether you’re playing chords or arpeggios, and the pitch and rhythm. Want to take Swan Lake and turn it into a huge rock tune? Go for it. Want to do a traditional, sparse Japanese arrangement of The Locomotion? Give ‘er buddy! It’s really a lot of fun coming up with your own spins on things.

 

My favorites that I’ve come up with so far:

-         a stringed instrument version of Swan Lake that features Steve Vai-like ukulele solos

-         a big rock version of Every Breath You Take with a driving distorted guitar and extremely thick bassline (even moreso than the original)

-         a (bordering on) psychedelic version of the Mute City theme from F-Zero

 

There’s also a wide variety of mini-games and lessons that that add at to the experience. Another big plus- using the Wii Fit Balance Board you can basically replicate a full drum kit, using the board for the foot pedals. It’s not completely intuitive (you have to press different buttons on the Wii-mote and nunchuck for snare, tom or cymbals), but it’s pretty damn fun once you get the hang of it.

 

The big downfall of Wii Music is the song selection, which ranges from the juvenile to the public domain for the most part. For your average music fan, songs like Do-Re-Mi will do little to interest them. Which is a shame, because half the fun is taking something you don’t like, or would never listen to, and cultivating it into something that you would like. There’s also a handful of songs from video games (like Zelda, Super Mario, Wii Sports and the aforementioned F-Zero). These are possibly the most fun songs to play; there’s just not enough of them.

 

Still, as a creative game, totally separate from just a rhythm game like Guitar Hero or Rock Band, Wii Music is a blast. I hope we get a sequel at some point with more songs, particularly more contemporary ones, and even more instruments.

 

Misses-

 

Legends of Wrestlemania – Nothing can sum this up better than a one sentence review from Somethingawful.com. “Remember that great moment at Wrestlemania III where Hulk Hogan was prompted to press the X button, but accidentally pressed the Y button and Andre The Giant took the advantage?” This game suffers from too many of what’s called “real time” onscreen prompts. These are a reasonable gameplay element and they work out well enough in games like Resident Evil 4 or the aforementioned Madworld. Don’t ask me why, but it just doesn’t work for a wrestling game. The nostalgia here is great. But it’s a rental, not a purchase.

Hey there kids! Welcome back to the blitz. It sure has been a while. We’ll, during a down period at work, I put together an incredibly lengthy review of virtually all media that I’ve absorbed since we last spoke. I’ll be doling them out every couple of days. So keep yer stinkin’ eyes glued here, a’ight? I know that, much like the megaphone crooners of old, you just can’t wait to see what I have to say about things.

Anyway, I e-mailed myself the file from work, but didn’t count on it being such a long time before I posted the first review. So, I’m going to whip one up for you here in real time about various musicians that I know who’ve put together some pretty damn good albums in the last little while. Links included where possible.

Jane Ehrhardt- Songs from the Trajectory

For years, I didn’t even know Jane was a musician. I believe, if I recall correctly, that she was a member of the fondly remembered Fuzz, an all girl rock band from Riverview. I figured, however, that like so many good high school musicians, she had just given it up for a career and raising a family or whatever. Of course, only knowing her peripherally for years probably accounted for that. Anyway, when I ran into her at a New Year’s Party last year and heard she was still performing, I was interested to hear.

So, I looked her up on CBC Radio 3 and was pleased to find a nice, folkey, sort of alt-country sound. The songs themselves were well crafted (I particularly liked Join The Circus, the opening track to her first album, The Airs of my Heart), and her voice was great. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I caught her performance with Bette & Wallet in Moncton. The tour package (Jane and B&W each join the backing band of the other for their performances) put on a really good show, and Jane’s voice carries very well in a room like Moncton’s Manhattan. Jane’s new songs were really good, and that same indie-folk-country vibe was there ringing off the walls. On a purely superficial note, I have to say it certainly doesn’t hurt that Jane and Mary-Beth Carty of Bette & Wallet are both stone cold foxes. I’m just saying.

I gladly plunked down the cash to pick up copies of both her albums.

Then, as I drove home from the show, I popped the new CD in and a funny thing happened. Funky wah guitar started coming out of my speakers. “The hell?” Did I get a misprinted CD? Then, there was Jane’s voice. Make no mistake, if you’ve just heard her first album, or seen the current tour, Jane’s horizons expand a hell of a lot farther than you thought. The album runs the gamut from rock to country and everywhere in between. It’s catchy as hell and songwriting is very well developed. I can’t wait to see what Jane comes up with next.

Jane and Bette & Wallet are still on tour through Nova Scotia and Quebec for the next couple of weeks, check them out if you get a chance.

The Peter Parkers - We Were All Born on a Burial Ground

The Parkers, perhaps the most well known act in this particular article, have finally followed up one of my personaly favorite albums This is Sity Music. I’ll forgoe the personal stories and just tell you that I’ve been a fan of this band before I got to know most of the members and I still think they’re the best live act in Canada these days. The Parkers specialize in, by their own description, “evil rock vs. slow love making music.” To paraphrase a friend of mine, half the hairs in your ear will seizure, the other half will orgasm. They are an ear-bleedingly beautiful band.

If there’s one complaint that can be levied against We Were All Born on a Burial Ground, it’s more of the same. The sound of the band hasn’t evolved significantly since their last album. What has evolved though is their songwriting. Songs like Nod if you Can Hear, and To Thomas I Will Write are still presented in the same dynamic way that their older songs were, but the songs themselves are just wonderful. Dare I say it, there seems to be a certain maturity to the songwriting that may not have been there before. The band still rock with reckless abandon, but it seems to be more purposeful.

As it stands, this CD is in very high rotation in my car and, I expect, will stay there for quite some time.

Thee Requiems - s/t

It’s completely impossible for me to remain unbiased about a band where I used to be in bands with three of the four members. Nonetheless, I’ll make efforts. Thee Requiems is a great rock record. For a very loose (as opposed to sloppy) band, the production values on this album are pitch perfect. It’s noisy when it needs to be (Slow Man’s Fast Food) and etherial when it requires (The More You Take Away). The production seems well suited to each song.

Tracks like Mary Toft, Like A Heart Attack, Fashion and Eat Some Worms (which earned me a “thank you” in the liner notes as its an old Catboxer song) are great, and hint at even better potential. It’ll be very interesting to see where this band is in a couple of years. If they continue to develop, I very much look forward to a follow up album.

Well, that’s all for now kids. Or is it? Ok, this is the last bit. Enjoy a glimpse at the GREATEST ACTION HERO OF ALL TIME. He’s a real doctor!

It’s true. You know this already.

 

I mean what the hell is it? Impossible to describe properly, too much covered by the word. Too many things it could mean; too many ways it can be used.

 

I approach this topic with heavy thoughts in my head, as I recently heard a good friend and his wife are planning to divorce. She moved to this country with him, and she hasn’t been able to adjust properly to life here. I don’t know the details, but I imagine that the cultural differences were too staggering. The loneliness, the distance from home, the perception of isolation (real or imagined, the effect is the same).

 

As far as I know, they love each other. But she can’t live here, and he can’t get a good enough job there. That’s tough. There’s no good way for it to happen. It’s one thing if love isn’t there, or if something happens that changes the way people feel. At least then you can say to yourself that you weren’t meant for each other. It’s arguably easier to move on when you know with certainty that it wouldn’t have worked out.

 

It might be harder when the problem is circumstances. You can get caught in a spiral of thoughts. Was it just the wrong time? If we’d met a year earlier or a year later would it have worked out? Is there anything I could still do? Did I try hard enough? Did I try too hard? Too many questions and none of them with answers, or if there is an answer, it’s not a good one.

 

Love often just seems co-opted as a way to sell greeting cards. I’m sure everyone’s been depressed and alone on a Valentine’s Day. When you get caught on the dark side of love – the pain – these things seem particularly like a slap in the face. Something that used to make you feel so good is now just poison. Sometimes the highs are better than the lows. Sometimes it’s the other way around. Maybe the best you can hope is to even out.

 

What’s weird is I’m in a pretty good place these days romantically. Real sweet girl, we have a great time together. But hearing about something like this, I start remembering all the hurt I’ve had. It’s strange looking back on hurt from the place I’m in now. It doesn’t seem real in hindsight. I guess that’s a positive thing. It’s just a shame that when you go through the rollercoaster, sometimes remembering the good times is painful. Other times you might just not be able to remember it.

 

I guess it’s just life. Ups and downs. The yo-yo, so to speak. Perspective is tough sometimes, but always needed. It’s a dark tunnel sometimes, but there’s light. When it’s bright, watch the shadows. Balance.

 

If he reads this, you’ll make it through friend. It will get better.

Here we are again. As a disclaimer, I don’t think I got through a single full match of TNA this year. I just find it so hard to like anything about that show.

 

Most improved wrestler- The Miz

 

Two years ago when he debuted, Mike The Miz was my least favorite part of Smackdown. Slowly, he grew on me, and was a runner up to last year’s most improved wrestler, his tag partner John Morrison. What’s shocking is that Miz has gotten even better in the year since. His ring work is crisp, his mic work is stellar, he gets great heat from the crowd and his psychology is improving with every match. As loathe as I would have been to admit this two years ago, Miz is going to be a big part of the future of the business. He and Morrison alone have validated the entire concept of Tough Enough (the wrestling reality show from a few years back, which both competed on), retroactively.

 

No cigar- The Brian Kendrick, Cody Rhodes, Matt Hardy

 

Most improved wrestler (female)- Kelly Kelly

 

Last years worst lady wrestler is this year’s most improved. Like Trish and Candace (who’s actually fallen back quite a bit since her injury) before her, Kelly Kelly has worked her ass off and improved dramatically in the past 365. Is she great? Not by a long shot, but who knows? Hopefully she can continue her upward momentum and not get stalled by injury like Candace.

 

No cigar- Michelle McCool

 

Funniest- Santino Marella

 

Not much to say here except that the man is gold with a mic. Great character.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzf3Hkff49I

 

Best Tag Team- Miz and Morrison

 

While MNM 2.0 are spectacular as a team this is mostly a reflection of the weakness of tag team wrestling these days. Teams like The Colons, Rhodes/DiBiase and Punk/Kingston were all hit or miss in 2008. The only real competition by a wide margin was TNA’s Beer Money team, who haven’t impressed me as much as some. Hopefully, with the injection of some new teams, Miz and Morrison can continue to bring more prominence to tag team wrestling.

 

No cigar- Beer Money, Cryme Time

 

Best Feud- Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

 

Was there any doubt? For much of this summer Jericho and Michaels carried Raw and made it watchable. The feud was so well developed, so personal and so intense that it surpassed all expectations. Their feud in 2003 was great. This was awesome. Perhaps the best part was how it flowed. The feud developed organically from the Michaels/Flair/Batista storyline, grew legs of its own, and the momentum eventually landed Jericho the World Heavyweight Title. Then, we were treated to a fantastic swan song to this rivalry with a phenomenal ladder match. A feud that saw Michaels go head first through a TV, his wife get punched in the face and Jericho beaten to a bloody pulp en route to a world title win; the best wrestling on TV this year.

 

No cigar- Edge vs. Undertaker

 

Best wrestler (female)- Beth Phoenix

 

Being a muscular female wrestler, Beth Phoenix draws inevitable comparisons to Chyna. That’s unfortunate, because there’s some huge differences. For one, Beth is 1,000 times the wrestler Chyna ever was. I don’t remember Chyna carrying anyone to any kind of a decent match. Beth has done an admirable job carrying many of the “skinny, model” archetype lady wrestlers. Next, in terms of mic skill and charisma, it’s no comparison. Chyna was always the most effective when she didn’t say shit. Beth, as evidenced by her interactions with Santino, is quite good with a mic. Beth’s closest competition was last year’s winner, Awesome Kong. Kong had a good year too from what I’ve heard, but it wasn’t as impressive as The Glamazon’s.

 

No cigar- Awesome Kong, Mickie James

 

Best wrestler (male)- Chris Jericho

 

Jericho was the frigging man this year. When his return in late 2007 stalled out of the blocks, many felt that maybe he shouldn’t have come back. Perhaps he would not significantly add to his legacy (which was definitely impressive beforehand, including the much lauded title of first ever Undisputed Champion, holding both the WWF and WCW World Titles at the same time). This seemed to be the case as his most impressive accomplishment in the first half of ’08 was another Intercontinental Title reign, impressive in that it was his record eigth reign, but not hugely impressive in terms of prestige. What a difference a heel turn can make. By turning heel and inserting himself in the middle of the Shawn Michaels/Batista feud, Jericho started some of the best work of his career. He shed his “party host” Y2J character and became more mature. More seasoned. And most of all, more bitter. Chris Jericho circa 2008 is an incredibly bitter and resentful man.

 

And you know what? He’s right. Like all the best villains (The Joker being the exception that proves the rule), Chris Jericho feels he is completely justified in all his actions and is convinced that he’s doing the right thing. The fans are hypocrites for cheering Shawn Michaels when he cheats, but booing Jericho when he calls him on it. Hell, I’ve thought as much for years, all the way back to when Hogan would rake eyes and choke people with his ripped up tank top. When Jericho threw Michaels face first threw a television monitor on his interview segment, it was the right thing to do. When he punched Michaels’ wife, it wasn’t his fault: it was Michaels’ fault for getting her involved in the first place.

 

The best part though is the matches. After solid outings with JBL and a good showing in the Wrestlemania ladder match, Jericho delivered the best matches of the year. Jericho was on fire. His series with Michaels will go down as some of the best ever. My favorite may have been getting a VERY stiff beating from Michaels at Unforgiven, weaseling his way into the Championship Scramble match later in the night and winning the World Title out from under Batista’s nose. He then went on to defend the title against Michaels in an excellent ladder match, losing a tooth in the process. He traded the title with Batista in particularly good matches (particularly for Batista) before dropping it in a good match with Cena. After a year like that with two title runs and all those good matches, Jericho could have an even better 2009 if he maintains his momentum. I’m picking Orton to win the Royal Rumble this weekend, but Jericho has a pretty good shot too.

 

No cigar- Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, Edge

 

As for the negative side of things, I’ll just throw down a few paragraph. Candace Michelle and Chris “Braden Walker” Harris, based on disappointment alone would be good picks for worst wrestlers of the year. Michelle seemed to be getting better all the time in 2007, she hasn’t been able to get it together since coming back. Weight gain seemed to cause Harris to have terrible matches and an abysmal run in the WWE.

 

I can’t recall a specific worst match to the year, but there were certainly some stinkers throughout. Worst idea was probably Vince’s “Million $ Mania” which cost him money, made him look silly and old on TV (not the character, mind you, but Vince himself), and it’s only pay off, another hokey death/near death experience, has apparently been left unresolved.

 

Let’s see how my predictions from last year fared-

 

-Jeff Hardy will win the world title and will keep the title warm before dropping it back to Orton who will drop it to a returning Cena

I think I should at least get ¾ of point for this one. Hardy did win a world title, and the Cena scenario I laid out did happen, but it was Batista dropping the title to Jericho who lost it to Cena.

 

-Cena’s “unstoppable good guy” thing will finally get stale enough that he’ll turn into a devious evil bastard

Still waiting on this, though to be fair, time away made Cena seem slightly less stale

 

-Kennedy will regain his momentum, and will be a world champion by 2009

Kennedy seemed to be doing alright before going out with another injury. Maybe he’ll get things going this year. I like him, but he’s injury prone. If he can stay healthy he’s got a huge upside.

 

-Ditto for Matt Hardy

 

Hardy won the ECW World Title at Unforgiven. Swish!

-By mid-year, everyone will be totally sick of Hornswaggle

 

No, but his presence has been reduced, which was a smart move.

-By mid-year, everyone will be totally sick of handicap matches

 

As near as I can remember, handicap matches have also been happening less frequently. It’s still overused, but it’s seems more bearable.

-Actually, I’m already sick of handicap matches

 

If they keep up, I might be in the mood for handicap matches by 2010.

-MVP will win a world title

 

Wow. Way off. MVP just got his first win in six months. Still, “it’s all part of the plan.” If they can build him back up right (which was the plan, after all) he could find himself in a better position than when he started.

-Tag Team wrestling will, sadly, continue to be neglected.

 

Not for lack of lack of trying by Miz and Morrison.

-A better wrestling game for the Wii will be released.

 

Yup, the new Smackdown vs Raw is apparently a huge improvement. I didn’t take any chances though, and got it for the PS2. It’s not without it’s problems, unfortunately, but that’s an article for another day. The less said about the TNA game the better.

-Candice will keep getting better.

 

Nope.

-Awesome Kong will be…well…awesome.

 

Seems that way, though she’s out with an injury as well, from what I hear.

-Awesome Kong and the TNA women’s division will be the highlight of the show, while Vince Russo slowly ruins whatever credibility the program may or may not have.

 

Nope. Again, from what I’ve read, it seems like the women’s division doesn’t seem as sharp as it used to. I’m sure Gail Kim leaving didn’t help that at all either.

-As always, Vince McMahon will weasel out of his trouble with the government and in the coming years, will spin it as himself being a brave, intrepid businessman, standing up to a corrupt government. The DVD should be a hoot.

 

Vince responded to a congressional hearing with some pretty suspect answers, claiming ignorance about a lot of the problems in the WWE today. Once the heat is off for a while, Vince will got back to talking about being persecuted.

 

That was 2008. My predictions didn’t exactly have a stunning success rate, so I’ll forgo them for 2009 and instead go with what I hope.

 

I hope Santino gets good in the ring.

I hope Jericho wins a few more world titles.

I hope Christian has a hell of a run this time.

I hope Regal wins a world title. He deserves it, and he was getting nuclear crowd reactions during his run as King.

I hope the Candace gets better again.

I hope no one “pulls a Benoit.”

That IS a Costanza reference if you’re wondering…

So I’ve been gone for a while, partially because I forgot my username and password, but also because I bought a Playstation 2. I got my wisdom teeth out and decided to get a used one to entertain myself for a few days, not knowing that by buying GTA San Andreas I was committing myself to 60+ hours of playing time to complete it 100%. I feel a lot like Jim Gaffigan, renting “Heat” for the first time and not being able to discuss it with any of his friends who saw it 15 years earlier. I’m a loser, I know, but I have no plans to buy a PS3 or GTA IV.

I don’t really have much to say about it, and I honestly never had sex with a hooker and then killed her to get my money back… I just liked to do the missions and fly helicopters around. I love the people that talk about that one thing that you can do in the game and use it as an excuse to say that the game is evil and immoral but who have absolutely no idea what else the game entails. They have no idea how complex the plot is or how star-studded the cast of characters is. At least in GTA you can choose whether or not to kill and rob people, try yelling at the TV the next time you rent “Goodfellas” and see if they will decide to drive a cab around or be a paramedic instead. If you want to hate GTA, hate it because it completely engulfs your life and turns you into a good-for-nothing lump on the couch. It’s digitized crack.

That’s not what I came back to talk about, though. I came back to talk about Bud Light. More specifically, “Drinkability.” I don’t know if you guys have these commercials in Canada, but if you don’t you’re lucky. I can’t even begin to describe how much they piss me off. And what’s worse? No one is doing anything about it. I would KILL to be an advertising executive for Coors or Miller so that I could UNLOAD on budweiser on a national stage. Admittedly, Coors is too busy making an incredibly annoying series of fake press conference commercials themselves, but I would love to see Miller come out with a new ad campaign. I can see it now: “The ‘potablitude’ of Miller light is far superior to the ‘drinkability’ of Bud Light due to ‘ingestation enhancers’ and an infusion of ‘gulposity.’ It’s fun to make up words, but we recommend investing in a decent tasting beer before spending all your money on an ad campaign.”

The Mac people already busted on PC’s for spending more money on their commercials than on fixing Vista, so the work is already done. Beer advertisers don’t even have to be original, just kind of be dicks. It’s not hard…. GRRRRRR.

BTW, I found this youtube video while I was looking for the Mac/PC commercial. Gave me a chuckle…