As much as I love this little design I whipped up (the layout, not the colors - that was fozzie) - it’s come time to revise the site. And this time I’ve actually gotten a real web designer type guy to do it for me.
So prepare to see a pretty page for a change! I’ll put new posts on hold until it’s complete.
We really have no idea what Konami was thinking with this. As a video game icon, Bomberman ranks just a shade below Mario, Link and Sonic. If you’re going to completely change the look of your franchise character, all I can say is that you’d better do a damn good job. There are really plenty of ‘hardcore’ looking characters out there in video game space, why the hell would they mess with what has worked up until now? Really, just call the game something else if you want to make it look like this.
For reference, this is what bomberman has looked like for 20 years:
Now, who thinks it’s a good idea to switch to this all of a sudden? Seriously, what the shit is this?
OK, that’s just screwed up. I can’t beleive Konami is doing that. I guess I’m not the only one being outraged, though; you guys did up that comic. :/
I think a good definition of the change, is they went from a “cute loveable character that anyone wouldn’t mind playing a few rounds with,” to “mecha badass that alienates all protective parents/women/mature people.”
Thank god I’m not mature, btw.
Anyone else notice how this character is nicely marketable for a movie?
Speaking of which, I wonder when the cost for doing fancy overlay-CG and costumes like this Bomberman guy will become cheaper than hand-drawn cartoon renditions such as the original Bomberman. In a movie form, I mean. Surely technology is moving fast enough that it’s getting pretty close nowadays?
Now this is more like it! The regularly scheduled programming that I enjoy so much. Thank you
Maybe he was sodomized by Voldo and it traumatized him.
I MISS COMICS!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE BACK!!!!!!!!! I LIKE YELLING!!!!!!
I ALSO ENJOY YELLING BUT NOT WITH EXCLAMATION MARKS
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST EXCLAMATION MARKS DID ONE EAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER OR SOMETHING I HAVE DECIDED NEVER TO USE PUNCTUATION AGAIN
Here’s an idea - how about NOT dissing your fans. Even the loud ones. Liike, OMGWTF!! HMPH!!!!!11 @:*P~~
Dissing??? Oh no! It’s all love, Maristar! No dissing intended! I thought we were having fun! I am lusciously sorry :(
BTW never was too long, I’m back to punctuating.
WTF FOLEY DON’T TALK TO MY WIFE
Aww…I was just playing too. Sorry, I guess I added too many tablespooons of sarcasm to that last post.
OMG MARISTAR WTF TALKING 2 OTHER MENZZ WTF
Actually I guess it’s ok since it’s not a man, but a fruity tomato.
This is awesome: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomato#Fruit_or_vegetable.3F
“Fruit or Vegetable?
[…] Botanically speaking, a tomato is the ovary, together with its seeds, of a flowering plant, that is a fruit or, more precisely, a berry.[…]
In 1887, U.S. tariff laws that imposed a duty on vegetables but not on fruits caused the tomato’s status to become a matter of legal importance. The U.S. Supreme Court settled this controversy in 1893, declaring that the tomato is a vegetable, using the popular definition which classifies vegetable by use, that they are generally served with dinner and not dessert. The case is known as Nix v. Hedden (149 U.S. 304). While the Tomato can be classified as a fruit, it is officially categorized as a definite vegetable in the United States.
In concordance with this classification, the tomato has been proposed as the state fruit of New Jersey. Arkansas takes both sides by declaring the “South Arkansas Vine Ripe Pink Tomato” to be both the state fruit and the state vegetable in the same law, citing both its botanical and culinary classifications.”
I’m glad someone picked up on my stealth adjective there.
The great thing about US Law is that it doesn’t apply to anyone else. Here in Canada it is still defined by science!
I did learn something, though - I didn’t realize it more accurately classifies itself as a berry. That makes a lot of sense and explains some attributes (eg: all fruits contain sugar (or fructose) by definition, wheras tomatos do not. Berries do not have the sugar restriction; indeed, there are many many types that are filled with nothing but bitterness and poison.)
Hey Dan Quayle, the plural of ‘tomato’ is spelled T-O-M-A-T-O-E-S. See why we need that comment editting?
ps: tomatoes r00l
When we last left our hero, he was watching the eciting departure from Otah Gungah. Join me now as we continue to dive deeper into the depths of mediocrity.
At this point, our “heroes” are attacked by a large, leviathan like fish. For some reason this fish catches its prey as a frog would, by shooting out a long, stretchy, sticky tongue. Suddenly, an even larger sea creature, which looks suspiciously like Godzilla from the poorly received American update, comes out of nowhere to attack the fish that was eating our heroes, and so they escape, with Qui-Gon delivering the deliciously witty line “There’s always a bigger fish”. This is going to become a recurrent theme in this film, happy accidents. One or two per film is forgivable, but this film is so mired in deus ex machina as to be almost unforgivable. Hey, here’s a question, how is it that the Jedi didn’t the enormous sea creature sneaking up behind them with the intent of eating them? They could sense the fear of the Neimoidians on the battle ship, is this somehow different? Jedi powers are, sadly, used only for convenience in this film, disappearing when ever it is more dramatic for them to do so.
Let’s head on back to the Trade Federation control ship now, for a largely pointless scene. On the line is Lord Sidious, who is letting our Neimoidian friends know that he’s keeping the senate bogged down in proceedings, so they will have no choice but to accept the trade federation’s control of the system. Basically, this scene pretty much gives away exactly who Sidious is (Senator Palpatine, gasp!), for those viewers who hadn’t figured it out already. Later in the film will come more moments which drive the point home further. Well, that was a fun scene, let’s get back to the submarine.
As our intrepid crew travels through the tunnels of the planets core, their sub loses power. Luckily for our heroes, this loss of power does not extend to the force shields this submarine has in place of canopy glass. I really have to call this a triumph of design. A submarine whose canopy is merely a force shield, so the lives of those inside are solely dependant on that shields operation. Boy, our crew sure is lucky they didn’t die right here. Obi fiddles with some wires, and some how mystically manages to restore power. Only to discover another monster! What are the odds?! A narrow escape from this monster, aided once again by another one of those giant Godzilla sea creatures follows. Jar Jar freaks out and starts babbling incoherently, always a treat, and is thankfully Vulcan neck pinched into silence by Qui-Gon. Repetitive enough for you? You bet!
Back on the surface of the planet we are treated to a very impressive shot of the droid armies of the trade federation marching on Theed, the capital city of Naboo. Queen Amidala watches from a window in the palace. Phew, good thing you didn’t go to war, otherwise your people might not get to enjoy all this sweet subjugation. The Viceroy and suck up arrive, and are informed by a particularly enthusiastic battle droid that they have captured the queen. “Ah, victory” the Viceroy says in his heavily accented voice. Yes, truly George is a wordsmith without compare.
So, here we are in Theed. The Trade Federation has, for some reason never to be revealed, taken control of the planet. They want the queen to sign a treaty that will make their occupation legal. Why? They’ve just invaded an entire world and subjugated its citizens. Why are they worried about a signature? Do they suddenly have moral scruples about forgery? Once again, a plot point that makes no sense. It’s bad enough that this invasion is without any motivation, but now they actually expect us to believe that the Queen’s signature is going to stop the Trade Federation from doing what they damn well please? Come on, that’s just ludicrous.
So, the queen and co. are being escorted to an internment camp by some of those oh so effective battle droids, when we are treated to a pretty cool scene of the Jedi swooping in to save the day. Obi and Qui-Gon make short and pretty spectacular work of the escort. The scene, is of course, marred by the slapstick buffoonery of Jar Jar Binks, but luckily it’s relegated to the background enough that it’s easy to overlook. A brief exchange follows, with a governor (the same one who came to the invasion conclusion earlier) giving Qui-Gon some sass about negotiations, and Qui-Gon slappin’ it right back in his face. Oddly, the governor gives Qui-Gon this look which reads very much like suspicion and distrust. More subtext about how the Jedi are perceived? Who knows.
Will it ever end? No.
WTF! This used to be such an amusing website - I was all proud of myself for finding this independant website that had interesting anecdotes and amusing tales on it! NOW it is just a recount of f*cking Star Wars! As if 6 movies weren’t enough now I have to read about it on what used to be one of my favourite sites!! This site is now being ranked below “Go Fug Yourself” which does not say a lot. Get some new topics people! Please I beg of you.
Gosh anonymous Blitzer is a little bit grouchy but I have to agree a little bit - nothing against Pagz but maybe the Star Wars could be broken up with some different interesting articles? Please
Bah Miss Gayle. Lame! You said the exact same thing as me but you pussy’ed around the issue. Soft Cock! Why don’t you f*cking spit it out and say what we are all thinking. Two fists for Star Wars.
Oh A.B… if you think an in-your-face appeal to the plight of the bored blitz reader base is going to quell Pagz’ Star Wars boner, you are sadly mistaken. Telling him to shut up only makes it throb all the more. I would know: Lord knows I’ve tried.
Wait! That came out all wrong!
Yeah I think everyone would like some new articles… where are the other writer’s contributions? Especially that dashing young Foley chap. I like the cut of his main sail.
To be clear, I only post my articles on thursday. So, if you wish to avoid my rantings on Star Wars, you simply need to avoid Thursdays. I do agree though, it’d be nice to not be the only person posting, the site ends up becoming “the Pagz show” which, as Foley can tell you, has been ripe for cancellation for at least the past 15 years.
Ahem.
As for the “other writers contributions”:
Weasel TOLD ME not to post anything on the site while it’s undergoing some upgrades.
Topics galore waiting to be posted!
Also…weasel’s whole temporary-ban-on-posting is probably a factor in his lack of articles as well.
It is true, I put a ban on posts. Said ban: LIFTED!
We figured if we’re going to take shots at a guy that just died, then an infant is fair game as well. I don’t really know what to say about the death of Steve Irwin that probably hasn’t already been said by a hundred different people. Yes, supposedly there is footage of his death as the sting ray attack took place while they were filming for his show. And yes, there is a good chance that somehow this footage will make it onto the internet. If it does, expect hue and cry. Fox news hopefully will get involved in the denouncement of the moral decay of society and whatnot. The question you should ask yourself is this: how long will you pause before you crack and watch it if it shows up on youtube? I know for me, stuff like this is irresistable. Grewsome, callous, cruel and just plain wrong, but come on it’s just a click away!
Death is just one more way in which celebrities are de-humanized. I probably couldn’t watch a video I was told was footage of a man getting killed scuba diving, but give me a youtube vid respectfully titled something like ‘Croc Hunter Pwnd’, and it doesn’t seem as real somehow.
Really really in the best of taste - and I laughed…
Just bought my ticket to hell.
I heard that in the video, Steve was alive for a good long time while the barb was in his heart, protruding from his chest. And he told the cameramen to keep rolling, and that he wanted this televised - no matter what happens.
Then he yanks it out, and a few seconds later, slumps over.
Apparantly it’s very sad.
Man, I hope that’s true. Steve was a showman right to the end.
I watched some Entertainment Tonight tribute to him and it included footage of when he allowed the cameras into the delivery room when his wife was giving birth to their kid. Fairly intense.
So Steve’s dying words were “You have to air this,” and now Steve’s wife is all like, “no.” WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?!
If my wife ever defied me I’d totally haunt her ass.
Here I am bringing you solid gold every week, and what do I get for my troubles? Hate. Well nuts to that, you can all kiss the fattest part of my ass. As punishment, I inflict upon you, Jar Jar Binks.
Now we head down to Naboo, where, in the throne room, the queen is having a meeting with a bunch of people I assume to be politicians. They’re listening to Senator Palpatine, who is acting all confused that the negotiations haven’t started. At this point the transmission goes down and one of the politicos jumps to the obvious conclusion “A communications disruption can mean only one thing, Invasion.” Oh, I see. So, anytime I’ve been talking to someone on the phone and I’ve lost my connection, it’s not been because of cell phone service areas, atmospheric interference or anything like that, we’ve been under invasion, my bad. Honestly, who writes a line as insipid as that? Leaping towers of logic in a single bound. Way to go George. Anyway, the queen makes it clear that she will not condone a course of action that will lead them to war. Umm, why? If your planet is being invaded, exactly what options do you have left? Oh well, guess that’s why I’m not a queen.
Back in the swamp, the droid army has landed, and the Viceroy is on the holograph with his droid commander, telling him to look for the Jedi, who they can’t find on their ship. Why? Why, when all of these droids are controlled by the control ship, do they need to contact them in this manner? Why couldn’t that directive just be programmed into the commander from the ship? No reason at all, George just wasn’t thinking, as usual.
Oh look! There’s Qui-Gon, running through the swamp trying to get away from the giant troop transports plowing through the vegetation. What’s that in his way? It looks like some kind of really poorly designed cartoon alien from Disney’s Ducktales. No wait! it’s our new favorite protagonist, Jar Jar Binks! After getting in Qui-Gon’s way for no adequately explained reason and being knocked to the ground, Jar Jar executes a poorly animated karate style jump off of his back onto his feet. Following after Qui-Gon, Jar Jar starts talking, and the fun never stops. George, in his infinite wisdom, decided Jar Jar should talk like a retarded baby. If there is one sure path to an audience’s heart, it’s dealing with a character who speaks in baby talk for 2 hours. Qui-Gon asks Jar Jar the pointed question “Are you brainless?” something I always expected to hear a Jedi say eventually, and cuts right to the heart of the matter for the audience. Jar Jar is brainless, and you know it the moment you meet him.
After some really interminable dialogue, Jar Jar agrees to take the Jedi to the Gungan city. Arriving at the edge of a body of water, Jar Jar does a very poorly animated jump and flip into the water. The animator who did that scene should be ashamed of him or herself. Watching that flip, it’s impossible to not get a sinking feeling about the direction this film is quickly taking. The Jedi follow, having miraculously produced small breathing apparatuses from their cloaks. This isn’t Batman for crying out loud, why the hell do Jedi have these things? Does the force not help Jedi hold their breath? Ugh. A brief swim brings us to the Gungan city, and introduces us to yet another major problem with the film: Computer Generated Sets. Not for one instant do you believe the Jedi are there. The whole place, the inhabitants, everything, looks fake. The Jedi are clearly green screened into the shot. This scene also introduces Captain Tarpals, the Gungan master of arms. He delivers the line “Yousa in big doo-doo this time” and Star Wars will never be the same, thanks George.
Now, we move on to the Gungan audience chamber, once again rendered in fabulous CG. We are introduced to Boss Nass here, the leader of the Gungans. Oddly, he doesn’t appear to be a Gungan himself. He shares practically none of the same physiology as the rest of the Gungans. I think we’re supposed to believe that he is merely an obese Gungan, but I can’t say I buy that explanation; he looks too different. He doesn’t have a beak like the rest of the Gungans, his eyes aren’t on stalks as the rest of the Gungans are, there’s just too much for him to simply be a fat Gungan. The scene carries on and we’re subjected to more Gungan baby talk. We get the basic point that the Gungans and the Naboo don’t get along terribly well. Also, Nass was given the oh so charming character trait of shaking his jowls violently, spraying spit everywhere before pronouncing a decision. Finally, Nass gets mind tricked into giving the Jedi a transport to the Naboo. They take Jar Jar with them, what fun, and off they go, navigating a submarine through the interior of the planet. At this point we get the major plot revelation that Jar Jar was banished from Gungan society for being clumsy. Oh George, how very whimsical of you. Oh, I’m sorry, when I said whimsical, what I meant to say was idiotic.
More Jar Jar to come you ingrates.
Hey… *I* like your analysis. It’s never occurred to me how moronic ‘dioxygen’ is, and I was one of those people that wouldn’t shut up about how bad Ep. I was.
Keep it up!
You know, something always bothered me about Jar Jar beyond the obvious point that he’s an annoying little turd and I couldn’t figure out what it was until now. He IS retarded. Literally. Even by the standard of intelligence set for the Gungans in the film, Jar Jar is clearly portrayed as being mentally handicapped. It’s also fairly reasonable to say that just about every Star Wars fan DESPISES him. How politically incorrect is it to hate someone that’s mentally handicapped just because they are irritating and slow? Imagine if Jar Jar were just a human instead of an alien. How bad would you feel for making fun of him now? Just because he’s not running around toting a hockey helmet and a snack size apple sauce doesn’t mean that his portrayal isn’t in poor taste all the same.
I’d make him give me the apple sauce.
.
on September 18th, 2006 at 11:29 pm #
OK Let’s try this again. NO MORE ARTICLES until the site redesign is done!
It will be pretty for a change. I swear it.
on September 18th, 2006 at 11:29 pm #
Should be done in a week or so. :)
on September 18th, 2006 at 11:38 pm #
Should I assume you’ve found someone else for the redesign then? or should I continue to work on it? No worries either way, I just need to know.
on September 19th, 2006 at 12:05 am #
You were working on it? =) I sent out an email to like 15 people and only got 2 responses, one of which wasn’t you. :P
But yes! I am exchanging my superior writing skills (not on display at this site) for a professional web designing.
on September 19th, 2006 at 12:05 am #
Hey! Don’t you go giving credit to Fozzie for my beautiful blue colour scheme…(that everyone hates…)
on September 19th, 2006 at 11:55 pm #
That’s weird, cuz I have the response to the email I didn’t send which had enclosed the specs for the website. No worries though.
good blog is dead blog:-)…
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very good post from our team…
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