I recently obtained a copy of Sid Meier’s Railroads!.

I was originally going to write an in-depth review of the game, but there’s been so much controversy around it amongst gamers that it’s more interesting to cover that angle. (Well, it’s sort of a controversey. I have to make it sound cooler than it is.)

First, a nutshell review:

The game features a top-down interface that allows you to lay tracks, buy trains, and deliver goods and people to various cities. You also are able to purchase the basic industries in the cities (you can buy the food plant in Chicago, earning you bonus cash for every cart of grain delivered), and you can also play a simplified stock market. The basic premise is: every company has 10 stocks; if you own all 10 stocks you get all their stuff. It’s how you “win” the game - getting a profitable rail line and buying out your competitors.

It is simple in concept and the game is simple in execution. It isn’t incredibly complicated. Anyone can pick it up and play it. A good indicator is the tutorial; it lasts all of 10 minutes if you’re from the short bus, and nothing requires more than common sense to get a good feel for how to create a successful train business.

In reflection, the game is quite similar to Monopoly.

Gameplay is designed to be fast-food style: short (20-60 minute games) and fun. Online play just enhances the gameplay even more. It rapidly becomes a game of building a profitable rail network, versus buying profitable industries, versus buying your opponent’s stock. Buying out one opponent leaves you hurting for cash (at least temporarily) and open to buyouts by other players. If you invest a small amount into an opponent early on, you have less starting capital and slower growth, but the amount you pay later on to buy out your opponent is substantially less. It’s one huge game of paper-rock-scissors with the joy of laying tracks and watching trains run around on them! (which I’m convinced more people like than let on)

Now the controversey.

It seems every gamer on the planet took a look at Sid Meier’s Railroad Tycoon (released in 1990), and immediately drew the conclusion that this was a sequel, and thusly would contain enhancements to the previous version.

There are a few false premises being drawn here, which I will have to address. First, people beleive “Sid Meier’s Railroads!” is a sequel to “Railroad Tycoon 3.” Though the naming scheme appears so different as to sound like a ‘cheap knockoff,’ people still fervently beleive that Railroads! was chosen because it would sell better than simply slapping a “4″ on the previous franchise. However, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In Sid Meier’s Railroading career, he released his first game in 1990. The rights of the game subsequently changed hands, and the first ’sequel’ had dropped it’s moniker and moved on to a new studio. After more changing of hands, Railroads 3 was finally released in 2003, without any sort of input or approval from Sid Meiers. SM’s Railroads! was designed from the beginning to be a whole new game, hence the new name. It was a departure from the entire series, and even his own original 1990 game.

Railroads 3 was an epic game - it was very freeform, there was few set rules to gameplay, and a very detailed economic model. There was a true stock market where you could invest in goods. You could build 15 stations in a single city if you chose. You could make trains 120 cars long if you wanted to. And gameplay maps are huge in comparison. If Railroads 3 was modelled as a highly accurate, detailed world model and simulator, then Railroads! is a tabletop model railroad in grandpa’s basement that’s fun for the whole family.

So now there’s a battle raging - the simulator fans all feel they were tricked into buying this new “sequel” that is, in fact, a dumbed down model with less features and marginally better graphics. People are complaining in forums that the company is using this as a cash cow, putting in incredibly little effort into a product that will ride solely on the coattails of it’s predecessor. The constant flamewars in the forums between the “it’s fun!” and the “it’s not realistic!” communities are getting a little out of hand.

The interesting thing is, as much as people seemed to have loved Railroad Tycoon 3, Railroads! is already on track to selling more copies. People have voted with their dollars! It turns out that “fun” trumps “work.” Who would have guessed?!?!

Such a stupid movie. I just had to comment.

I was dragged along to the theatre yet again, to see “The Wickerman” remake this past summer. According to a friend, the original sucked holy ass and made no sense.

The new one was probably slightly worse, because it was starring Nicholas Cage. Evidence of this can be seen on Imdb’s rating system, which as of today (Oct. 13/2006), lists the original at a relatively 7.7 rating, and the remake at 3.4.

The plot outline?

(****SPOILERS COMING!!!!****)

Cage is a cop suffering post-traumatic stress following witnessing a car explosion involving a woman and her daughter. He gets a letter from his fiance who ditched him, and says that she’s on some private island and that her daughter is missing, but everyone on the island is denying that she even had a daughter. So he goes to this creepy island, only to find that it is a female dominating neo-pagan society. Men are around, but they don’t have any lines, and pretty much just do manual labour. Their world pretty much revovles around bee-keeping.

Eventually the ex tells Cage that he is the father of the missing girl. He runs around until he eventually find the girl at some festival, and chases after her. The girl leads him to some ceremony at the festival, and the island community says that now that he has come willingly to the ceremonial spot, he can be burned alive like they planned. The put him in a big kindling statue with ceremonial goat and chicken or something - lit by his daughter - and celebrate goodtimes!!

We see a few people from the island going to pick up men in a bar a few months later.

There were certain elements of the film that were obviously intended to be symbolic. For instance, the girl in the car crash and the missing daughter both had burned dolls. Still, any symbolism or interpretations I may have missed, really wouldn’t make up for how much this filmed sucked.

(***SPOILERS END!!!!****)

This story lacked in a big way. It lacked a good plot - and the whole convoluted plot for their stupid harvest festival was ridiculous. It lacked momentum. It lacked compassionate characters. It was just a big old pile of stinking lackingness.

I’m sure it will be out on video soon. My advice? Check out another movie. Or maybe check out the original - it had to suck less than this one. If my imdb ratings didn’t scare you off you can check out rotten tomatoes. However, if this article only increased your interest in this movie (craziness), you can check out the trailer here.

For months, I’ve been riding the buses to work, 3 days a week. It’s always the same 2 buses (thanks to my transfer), and it’s always the same drivers.

I’ve worked out that it’s not worth the money to buy a buspass. Thus, I’m stuck with saving change (or stealing from our laundry coin jar) for my commute.

Every single day that I take the bus, I get on the same # bus, and I talk to the same busdriver, and I specifically and deliberatly say: “HI! I NEED A 2-ZONE TRANSFER PLEASE”

Every single day, the same bus driver promptly tears off a 1-zone transfer and hands it to me. And I have to repeat “2-ZONE!”.

EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

You have to understand - it may seem odd that I’m bitching about this, but I’m on a route where it’s rather surprising that someone would want a 2-zone transfer. Most often people would only want a 1-zone transfer. Usually people do only want a 1-zone transfer anyways. So since I’m making this unusual request 3 times a week, at the same time, in the same place, to the same person for months on end, you’d think it would sink in.

Well, eventually it did. Finally, after about 6 months the guy gets it, and starts tearing off the 2-zone transfer without me asking. I am impressed.

The other flaw with my first bus driver is that he’s frequently late. Not a little late - quite late. Like a good 10 mins or so - which is very late for a bus that is supposed to come every 15 mins. This wouldn’t be a problem if not for the fact that I have a 2nd bus to catch - a second bus that only comes once every hour and a half or so. Therefore, it is CRUCIAL that I catch that bus, or else I’m late for work.

This shouldn’t even be an issue, as there is a more than 10 min gap in between my 1st bus’s arrival time, and my 2nd bus’s departure time. But since my driver is QUITE late, it is an issue.

Add on to this my stubborness to leave my house any earlier to catch an earlier bus. An extra 15 mins doesn’t seem long, until you consider my commute already is 1 hr and 45 mins. - and I don’t especially want to hang out at the stop downtown for another 15 mins. I also run the risk of ending up with an expired transfer if I leave too early.

So this particular day, the bus comes about 10 mins late. I get on - the busdriver is on the ball with my transfer and I smile. I feel proud that he’s finally recognizing me.

I take a seat and begin reading a bookclub book. I’m rather engrossed in it. I miss my stop.

Panicking, I walk up to the busdriver and begin to ask him if he can let me off quickly, as I have a bus that barely ever runs to catch. I can see that my 2nd bus has come early, and is pulling up to my stop. He ignores me and addresses some elderly lady first. Then he speaks to me, asking me to repeat my question. My heart sinks as I see my 2nd bus drive away without me. I explain what I’d been asking and I get a “Pfft. I wouldn’t have let you off anyways. If you want to catch that bus, you should get off at the earlier stop.”

Well DUH. Of course I should have gotten off at the earlier stop. Thanks for the help buddy. I do of course KNOW to get off at the earlier stop, since I do this routine through half the week.

The other thing though, is that even if I HAD gotten off at the earlier stop, I STILL would have missed the bus, since he was so late, and because the other bus left early. So he’d already screwed me, but then he had to be all condescending about it after.

The moment we’d had with the transfer memorizing was lost. I called up Weasel and had him drive me out on his lunchbreak.

Fortunately, this story does have a happy ending. The busdriver stopped driving that route after the incident, and a new guy took over. He recognized my 2-zone transfer needs after only 2 weeks.

Everyone lived happily ever after. Except the Surly Busdriver, who just remained surly.

I thought about using LaTex to make the title, but decided that it was geeky enough without such extravagance. Using ASCII seems less elitist somehow. Apologies to mathematicians everywhere, wikipedia was a bit impenetrable on the proper way to express base 13 notation

With that little bit of unpleasantness out of the way, we can now get back to dissing Douglas Adams. Alright, so maybe Pagz does love his work and I actually have read the entire quintilogy several times, but I have to say that I really don’t laugh at much of the stuff. I guess your tastes change over time, but the truth is that not everyone finds the same things funny. Plus, what once made you laugh probably won’t make you laugh again the tenth time you see it. I think a big element of humor is the surprise of the unexpected, but the surprise is gone once you know the joke. Old favorite jokes probably continue to amuse because you can still appreciate the nugget of absurdity that made you laugh the first time, but you probably don’t laugh all that hard when you think about them now.

The best way to get the laughter going again is to re-tell or reminisce about the joke with your friends. This often degenerates into extended recitation contests about whatever the subject matter might be: Simpsons quotes, Anchor Man quotes, HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Homestar Runner, or god forbid, Red Dwarf, or anything else you and your friends find amusing. Just remember: not everyone necessarily finds this shit as funny as you do. In fact, there’s a good chance that you’re annoying the hell out of someone within earshot of your quote fest. Try to keep the laughs goingbut remember that there other people around who might not laugh just because Zaphod Beeblebrox has two heads. They might be more into the pooper.

Commence the terror:

Back aboard the Federation command ship, Sidious is asking about the treaty. I still fail to understand why they require her real signature. Seems to me this is not an area where a Dark lord of the Sith would really have any compunctions about doing something deceptive. The Neimoidians explain that the queen has escaped, and that they can’t track her. Sidious isn’t concerned though, his Apprentice, Darth Maul can handle the job. Okay, Darth Maul, it’s a pretty bad name, but luckily for the Movie, Darth Maul looks so incredibly cool that you forgive his character the horribly unimaginative name he was saddled with. Here too is another failing of the film, the mismanagement of characters. Darth Maul, possibly one of the most visually interesting and intimidating villains since Boba Fett, is completely wasted in this film, delivering only one line of dialogue, and generally just not getting the chances to shine that he deserves. The explanation I choose for this is simple. Darth Maul was in serious danger of overshadowing Darth Vader as the coolest villain of the saga. He looks cooler, he’s faster, he’s deadlier, he has a double bladed lightsabre, given the opportunity, he would definitely give Vader a run for his money, and Lucas can’t have that. Sorry Maul, you’re going out like a punk, it’s the way it has to be apparently. Needless to say, the Neimoidians are a bit fearful of Maul’s inclusion into their gambit.

Meanwhile, aboard the Naboo cruiser, we are getting our formal introduction to R2-D2, and it’s pretty lame. The droid, for saving the ship, is given an audience with the Pretend Queen, who then orders the real queen to clean up the droid in a show of gratitude. Yeah, I’m sure that’s how it works. I’m sure the aristocracy looks upon droids as beings who deserve praise and admiration for a job well done, as opposed to machines built to do specific tasks. This leads us to a scene in which we get some more capering by Jar Jar as Padme cleans up R2. It’s pointless and asinine.

Well, up to this point the film has had a really brisk pace. Some scenes have been as short as 20 seconds before being brushed aside for the next. Not to worry, we’ve now arrived at Tatooine, where the film will grind to a screeching halt for the next half hour or so. Obi informs Qui-Gon that the hyperdrive is dead, so, R2 and Jar Jar in tow, Qui-Gon sets off to find a replacement. He doesn’t get far before Panaka, the queen’s security chief, tells Qui-Gon he has to take Padme with him. Now, at this point the audience isn’t supposed to know that Padme is really the queen in disguise. I think this was a bad move. When the reveal finally comes, it makes the Jedi look stupid. After seeing the film a number of times, you learn to see that the Jedi knew all along, but those cues are so subtle as to be lost on the average viewer. The whole gambit would have been more effective had it been played so that we, the audience, know about the switch, and are also aware that the Jedi know, but that Padme is unaware of their knowledge. That would make Qui-Gon’s antagonism of Padme on Tatooine play a lot better, as if he were daring her to reveal her secret. As it stands now, it just makes Qui-Gon seem like an ass.

Tune in next week for the introduction of Jake Lloyd, the boy wonder.

During a short visit with our public library, I found the audiobook section and decided to try one out. Faced suddenly with such a wide selection of books to choose from, I decided to go with something more girlie (as I’ve been reading a lot of lawyer, actiony, conspiracy ones lately), and zeroed in on a one with a beautiful flower picture on the front.

Unfortunately, I chose “Late Bloomer” by Fern Michaels.

The story was about a young girl who had suffered a tragic accident when playing with her friends, resulting in one child’s death, and Cady (the main character) losing her memory, and spending years learning to walk again. She is blamed for the other child’s death, and years later we find her as a meek adult who basically has no life. That is, until her super-famous actress grandmother invites her back to this hometown, as she is ailing and soon to die. This “fairy grandmother” wants to help Cady regain her memory, and using the front that she is having a biography written before she dies, initiates an investigation into the past. This leaves the rest of the town - especially the friends that were with her that day - panicking, because they had all settled with the lie that it was Cady’s fault. In the process of regaining her memory, Cady finds confidence, a new wardrobe, and maybe even a little romance with an old bully who coincidently just relocated to the town as the chief of police, AND who coincidently was a bully who was also at the scene of the accident years ago.

The biggest problem with this book - and there were many problems - was that it read like the author’s fantasy life. As opposed to having a heroine struggling to find answers to a complicated mystery, the tools are handed to her on a silver tray courtesy of this magical grandmother. The grandmother manages to manipulate the media, and Cady (who is suddenly some super sexpot after her all-expense paid makeover) has control of the law through her romance with Boomer, the police chief. Not to mention her lawyer friend (also from the crimescene) who ALSO has some big crush on her, or the two servants her grandmother controls.

Cady’s character changes practically overnight. Despite her connections and resources, and the fact that the crime isn’t much of a “mystery” the story turns into waiting through about 5 cds for Cady to regain her stupid memory, or for one of her stupid friends to confess. So we are treated to descriptions of Cady’s designer new outfits, and all the dates she has with all the local men who are tripping all over themselves. For 5 long cds.

The story is peppered with really lame not-subtle at all references to the “Judas tree” where the stupid accident took place.

I stuck it out hoping for some riveting ending or something. But nothing.

This book was dull, and stupid. The only good thing was the person who was reading it. Even if you find this one for free in your local library, and there’s absolutely nothing else, just avoid it.

I board the bus and immedietly check out the regulars. Surly Bus Driver is arguing with a blind woman. Mulletwoman is chatting with some guy, who isn’t sporting a mullet, but I would have guessed was homeless at first glance. The Gay Postman sits in his usual spot. I set my mind on some work documents and realize I’m writing with a Canada Post pen and I feel our connection grow a little stronger.

Soon my mind drifts though, and I find the bus unusually boring. We stop downtown and I see some guy with a really uncomfortable looking nose ring wave at someone on the bus. I wish he’d join our travels and make life more interesting; but he does not.

“Luckily” some teenyboppers hop on and fill the void. The three of them sit at the back of the bus and are in fits of giggles. They begin having a tickle fight and are shrieking and kicking the seats. They gossip about their friends, and teachers. They call each other names and are making fun of people on the streets that we drive past (God that is SOOOO immature - I’d never make fun of strangers). The rest of us sharing the top floor look at them with disgust when ever they become particularly loud and obnoxious, and then exchange meaningful glances with each other which read “I CAN’T BELIEVE THEM”, as though we were all different in our youth.

The most intriguing part is when it’s revealed that they aren’t even going anywhere. They just had some time to kill and a buspass, and thought they’d ride to the end of the line and then go back. I envy their freedom and time, and life devoid of responsibilities. I try to return to my paperwork, but it’s a lost cause.

I get off the bus 30 mins later with a splitting headache, and remind myself to be more careful what I wish for in the future.