This week we decided not to rent a five-pack of movies because we’re getting backlogged on things to watch, especially shows. I just finished the FOX animated X-Men series, season two of Tales From the Crypt, and right now I am enjoying the shit out of season one of Twin Peaks:

I wish all law officers were like Special Agent Cooper. Don’t quote me on the dates, but I believe Inland Empire is playing at Cinecenta on June 4,5,6. From what I hear Lynch wrote the script as he shot the movie. After I complete Peaks I plan to finish MPD Psycho (a series by Takeshi Miike) and Basilisk.

Time to get down to business, and today’s business is the word “Force“. I have come to the conclusion that the word “force” makes just about any title cooler. Any business venture I now embark upon will include the word “force” somewhere. Think about it, how much cooler would your life seem if there was more “force” in it? Heading out to dry cleaner force, stopping off at video force, maybe picking up some donuts at Donut force. The list is endless, Accounting force, paralegal force, notary public force, vet force, grocery force, pizza force, pub force, bar force, food force, gas force…

And let us not overlook the appeal this could have for young people. Who wouldn’t rather go to Elementary Force than “school” or College Force than “community college”. Reading Force instead of the library. It’s all about how you market these things I’ve decided. It’s not that kids don’t like school, it’s just not exciting, it doesn’t capture their imaginations. It’s not that kids don’t like vegetables, they just aren’t marketed properly. “Would you like some more broccoli force son?” “Booyah! broccoli force kicks ass!” A lot of good could come from this 5 letter word.

So, while I haven’t gotten much feedback to my last two Simpsons-related posts, Hawkeye’s response to my 400th episode bashing struck a chord that has been resonating ever since. I was immediately reminded of a scene in High Fidelity between Jack Black (Barry) and John Cusack (Rob). Naturally, I couldn’t find such a small, insignificant scene on YouTube, but with the use of my near-photographic cinematic memory, I wil painstakingly recreate it for you here, now:

(A middle-aged man enters the record store hoping to buy “I Just Called to Say ‘I Love You’” for his daughter. Barry insults the man, saying there is no way his daughter likes that song, unless she is in a coma. The man leaves in a huff. This scene follows, more or less.)

Rob: Nice, Barry.
Barry: Rob, Top Five musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the 80’s and 90’s. Subquestion: Is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his later day sins… Is it better to burn out than to fade away?

That’s it… and yes, I am aware that it is a reference to a Neil Young song, but I find Jack Black’s delivery more memorable. Anyway, the point is that it got me thinking about musicians, TV shows, Movie trademarks and things of that sort that have either quit while they were ahead and faded into oblivion or stuck it out long after they lost their edge. To tell you the truth, I really can’t decide which is better.

Seinfeld, in my mind, is the ultimate example of fading away. Not that Jerry isn’t doing standup and the TV waves are glutted with syndicated re-runs, but this is the perfect example of a TV show writing staff realizing that they have nowhere to go but downhill, and getting out while they are ahead. While I am sad that I will never see a new episode, I am overwhelmed with respect for them.

Happy Days was not a show I ever enjoyed, nor did I ever watch it enough to form a legit opinion, but I bring it up here because it set the standard for burning out, so much so that the phrase “Jumping the shark” (in reference to Fonzie jumping over a shark on water skis) is now a common way of saying that a show is in decline. On that note, I just discovered a website called jumptheshark.com where people can gather to bitch about what TV shows are no good anymore. Ironically, The Simpsons is listed on the “Never Jumped the Shark” hall of fame on that site… so that shows you what I know.

I would not consider myself a huge Star Wars fan, nor would I really call the last 3 iterations burnt out, but I am of the opinion that if George Lucas had just let the first 3 stand alone and dissapeared into Skywalker Ranch for the rest of eternity, the franchise would be much more fondly remembered by history.

How about Austin Powers? #1 - Amazing. #2 - Pretty good. #3 - Piece of Shit. Should have quit while he was ahead. You can’t just have a sequel anymore though. It’s either one and done (because it sucked) or a trilogy. Ocean’s 11-12-13? The Matrix, Matrix Reloaded, Matrix Revolutions? Pirates of the Carribean…? When I heard someone mention The Bourne Ultimatum, I thought it was a joke.

In terms of musicians, you could debate this all day. I think music is a far more subjective art form than visual arts, but that’s just me. That said, I am thinking of a band like Aerosmith. The Rolling Stones are obviously not going anywhere, but you would be hard pressed to find someone who has seen them live recently who would say they are burnt out. Not that I have seen Aerosmith live or was ever a huge fan, but their last two albums of originals came out strong with lots of hype and publicity before flopping and they have released like 2 or 3 “best of’ compilations with the same friggin songs.

Also, with music, the “fade away” people usually die tragically or commit suicide, so it is harder to respect them for “choosing” to hang it up. Maybe I’m over my head talking about this, but it is the art form from which the quote originates so I felt like I had to say something.

Anyway, I am going to go out on a limb and say that it is better to fade away than to burn out. No one wants to see a tired, haggard, once-great artist, TV show, or movie franchise struggling to hold on to their youth. It’s just sad. Sure, The Matrix Revolutions was better than a lot of movies released in 2003 (2 Fast 2 Furious, Bad Boys 2, Cradle 2 the Grave, Freddy Vs. Jason, The Italian Job, Tomb Raider, S.W.A.T., etc.) but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a steaming pile of donkey shit next to the original. When someone or something has been great for so long, good just doesn’t cut it.

The Simpsons is now a good show, but unless they plan on elevating their game back to great, I would love to see them hang it up after the movie… unless it is a good movie, then they should make two more.

btw- Who said, “I’d rather be a has-been than a never-was?” Regardless, it’s good. Much love to The Simpsons and the rest for giving me so much pleasure for so long.

So I didn’t think I would get a chance to post an article for this week. Fortuna (just luck with pretensions), however, smiled upon me.

I have been hired by the New Glasgow News to perform the duties of a reporter in this bizarre, Twin Peaks-like town. On Tuesday I had an interview, they called me as I drove back to Moncton to hire me, and I moved in yesterday. As for why I didn’t think I would get a chance to post an article this week, it seems that I won’t be able to get my phone or internet service activated until Wednesday (if then). Luckily, I’m able to use Lindsay’s Macbook to steal a wireless signal from one of my neighbors.

The point is, I friggin love my new apartment. It’s in a huge old house that was converted into apartments. Here’s a few shots of it now that I’ve been able to start getting things set up.

Note the stained glass above my window and the awesome old fireplace that doesn’t work. Landlord seems like a an alright old shit (Classic line! Thanks Neal!) and he found a piece of a leather sectional couch for me to put in here. This is an awesome ripple in time, as I had a similar, but much smaller, piece of a sectional couch in my room in Sackville. Unfortunately, its pretty big and kind of fucked up the door when we were bringing it in. Sort of a rough trade. Either have a door that works and no couch, or a working door and nowhere to sit.

Anyway, now it is time to truly break this place in and get ready to bring journalistic integrity to this small town. As I used to joke to my friends in journalism school (after much arguments between those who were committed to Truth vs. those who wanted to change the world) LET’S GO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!!

This is a page from the new Scott Pilgrim book, out sometime soon, which I am really excited for. The website gives several pages of non-spoiler previews, but this one caught my eye. I think it’s really cool that Scott is wearing a CBC shirt.

If you grew up here, or have paid attention to what’s on CTV, or have watched the Gemini’s (that’s just an example, I’m fairly sure nobody actually watches the Gemini’s, or is it the Genie’s?) you can probably recall times when someone makes a point of setting their movie, tv series, or what have you in Canada, and they easily fall prey to presenting awful and embarrassing cliche. It may even be that things center at random on the fact that they are taking place in Canada, instead of sticking to the story. For some reason, some people can’t just let culture take care of itself. That being said, I know about Canadian content laws on radio and television, and I’m sure it is frustrating for anyone trying to tell a story to have to put up with these content restrictions. Having to bother accounting for just how Canadian your story is before getting the green light? Lame.

That isn’t to say that the Canadian media produces nothing but cliche crap. Not at all. In fact I think the general consensus is that in recent years, a vast improvement is on the way for Canadian television, thanks to go-to examples like Trailer Park Boys or Little Mosque on the Prairie. Good to hear. But I do think that a bigger deal is made over the cliche crap for no good reason. It’s why programs like Due South are at the tip of everyone’s fingers when they want to reference a Canadian show instead of other, better fare like Traders, which made no secret about where it was set but didn’t make a fuss about it and aired at the same time as Due South.

Has anyone seen Bon Cop Bad Cop? It was so bad I couldn’t even get halfway through. It’s a buddy cop comedy with one Anglo cop from Toronto and one Franco cop from Quebec who team up against a criminal who wears a HOCKEY MASK. What the fuck! The bilingual thing was a cool idea for sure, but did they really have to pander to obvious and awful stereotypes? This thing was hailed as the greatest Canadian flick to hit the streets since whenever the last time it was that Atom Egoyan used his camera to depress the nation.

Or why can’t I turn on the television without seeing a show that is Canada’s answer to American animated fare like the Simpsons or South Park playing? I’m talking about Chilly Beach, which is so terrible it makes me cringe. This sort of thing is frustrating, when something with promise (not to mention praise) ends up being overbearing instead.

Letting culture take care of itself doesn’t mean you have to be identity-less or can’t be patriotic. I’m using Bryan Lee O’Malley’s work as an example because it happened to strike me as a way I think it’s done right. Scott Pilgrim lives in Toronto. That could be enough, as for example: the Trailer Park Boys drink pop, not soda, and that’s that. But O’Malley is pretty clearly also proud of being a Canadian and wants to show it. That’s cool, he could go about showing it on all kinds of detracting levels where it interrupts the story, but he doesn’t. O’Malley appears to show patriotism through, for instance, t-shirts. Look at this:

Isn’t that the Ontario trillium provincial symbol? It is! It isn’t part of the story, but I saw it and recognized it and thought, ‘fuck yeah!’ because I also love this country and I get what he’s saying. But there’s no preaching here, just Bryan Lee O’Malley’s little odd display of affection. And I like that about it. Hell, I HAVE a CBC t-shirt. I guess what it comes down to is that being told what it means to be a Canadian is something that gets dished out far too often. Being shown what someone thinks or feels about their country is far more interesting, and in the Canadian arena of visual media, with CanCon always a stone’s throw away, it’s always nice when a genuine example pops up.

Our camera rig. The Panasonic HVX-200, with the Red Rock lens adapter. They make a couple different adapters, that might not be the right one, ours accepts Nikon lenses. This camera made shooting HD more cost effective than shooting Super16mm or two-camera mini-DV. It’s a better picture and sound than HDV, but you have to buy these P2 cards to record on and only Panasonic makes them. Still, if you want to have any kind of shot at selling your movie few things beat HD.

You still have to know how to make a movie though. Unless you have a complete unawareness of how movies are made or are foolish enough to believe that working your way up through a union will one day allow you to make a feature, DO NOT GO TO FILM SCHOOL. I’ll point out that I am a hypocrite, I went to film school and met some great people, people I am now making movies with. But that was pretty much the only good to come out of it. Check my YouTube page, there are no masterpieces there. Film school teaches you solid basics, then annoyingly recreates the adversity of the real film industry in the classroom while you make movies by committee. Boo-fucking-urns.
You really want to make a movie? Read this book:

If you’re still up for it, buy more books. Books on every aspect of film, watch docs, hit the world wide web, learn what you can. Some people may say you can’t learn the creative aspect of filmmaking this way, but there is a language to cinema, and you have to learn it before you can write poetry in it. Then take the cash you would have wasted in film school and spend it on the equipment you would have used in school. Now make movies. Start with shorts, they’re cheap and you can practice on them. Shoot an event or commercial so you can pay off your gear. If you want it bad enough it’ll happen. Canada doesn’t have a film industry, just a film service industry, so the resources will always be available for those with the drive to make use of them.

Anyone else eagerly awaiting Darren Aronofsky’s interpretation of Lone Wolf and Cub?

So, I’m sure by know we’ve all seen this in one form or another on TV or in movies, but it wasn’t until this weekend that I discovered that there’s a name for this spectacle. It’s called Parkour. Some call it Free Running and claim a vast philosophical difference between the two. Bullshit, it’s all the same, give it up.

I mean Holy Christ. The physical logistics of this shit alone boggles my mind. How are these people not dead? How are they able to continue walking? Do they have cybernetic knees? For that matter, do they have cybernetic EVERYTHING? You know, that could be it. We might be looking at the emergence of a new master race of… of… of kids who can run and jump really good.

Okay, the social order will probably survive this one. Still though, I’d just like to say: JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! and more JESUS! and when I say JESUS! it’ because I mean JESUS!