You may recall a previous video game related post ended with the blogging equivalent of a cliffhanger, detailing the emotional betrayal of my committed relationship. My committed relationship of brand loyalty to Nintendo, that is. I’ve since consumated that relationship, due to another silly obligation (remember the old lesson: always buy something useless with your first paycheck at a new job). So, it came to be that after I got my frist pay check, I scoured the mall pricechecking, and finally came to pick up a used slim PS2 at EB Games.

This is the version of the PS2 I picked up. Jesus, it’s a tiny little thing.
It’s pretty simple really. I’ve had friends who had Playstations for years, and I’ve certainly played it enough. It’s a solid system with a good selection of games. Having only had Nintendo systems in the past, I felt like I had missed out on some choice games. As a bonus, I don’t have a huge amount of faith in the DVD played that’s built into my tv, so the PS2 gives me a nice back up.

Now, there’s been various times when it seemed like a pretty good idea to get a PS2 in the past, but it was one specific game that really lit the fire under my ass, no pun intended. Fire Pro Wrestling Returns, I’ve mentioned previously, is probably going to be the last installment in the Fire Pro series of games, mostly popular in Japan. If it is, this game is a fitting sendoff to the series, as it certainly seems like the best one of them. Anyway, so I picked up that and a cheap copy of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City when I got the system.

Vice City is interesting. I’ve certainly played it before, but it’s my first time to put any real time with it. It’s fun, in a hyper-violent sort of way. And you know what? Even six years later, the whole “kill the hooker and get your money back” thing is still a strange, uncomfortable kind of fun. I savagely murdered an old lady with a chainsaw, then stole a moving truck and ran over a bunch of gangsters who’s backup killed a lot of themselves standing too close to the truck when they blew it up. By that time, I was already lighting people on the beach on fire.

There’s a few games on a short list that I’m looking to pick up in the future. Burnout 3 is one of the first that comes to mind. Racking up huge car crashes is always a blast. God of War and Shadow of the Collosus both seem really cool too. I also really enjoyed Katamari the one afternoon I played that. Anyone have any other suggestions?

So at 5PM I left the San Diego Zoo, San Diego of course being right on the border with Mexico. 11PM the next day I was unpacking the suitcases from the back of my car in Canada.

Drove the whole way.

To make things even more impressive I caught 1.5 hour ferry in there, made a surprising number of stops for fuel and bathroom breaks, and stopped to eat proper sit-down meals as well. I even took a detour and got lost in San Fransisco, which I think added on another 2 or 3 hours.

Yep, driving clear across the entire United States in one trip, in only 30 hours, is pretty damned impressive even if I do say so myself.

Erin and I just got off a cruise from Mexico; I wasn’t a big fan of cruises but this trip was so enjoyable I think I’d go back. I’ll post more on that once I have the pictures unloaded, but you can see the entirety of my trip home in the pic above - Puerto Vallarta (orange), Mazatlan (green) and Cabo san Lucas (red).

As I write this (3:50 am), The Great Outdoors is playing on the country music channel. It seems odd to see that movie on CMT, but I guess that doesn’t matter these days, since the precedent of ECW wrestling on The Nashville Network, and the more recent O.C. on Muchmusic. Regardless, it’s a damn fine movie. John Candy and Dan Akyroyd have a great chemistry and though it’s pretty typical 80’s comedy in a lot of ways, the movie has a lot of charm. I shall purchase a DVD of The Great Outdoors for the purpose of ensuring that at least the people in my immediate vacinity are aware of it.

Here’s a look at our current movie library. See if you can guess where the list changes from mine to her’s?

American Psycho
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
(Leon) The Professional
Monty’s Python’s Meaning of Life
The Life Aquatic
National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1
X-Men 2
Memento
Batman Begins
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Ocean’s Eleven
Ocean’s Twelve
Beetlejuice
You’ve Got Mail
Sleepless in Seattle
When Harry Met Sally
How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days (Owning a copy of this movie is the first step. HA!)
Mona Lisa Smile
The Break Up

Quite the switch there, eh? I find it humorous that we’re so stereotypical as our movie choices relate to our gender roles. Linds has got a lot of romantic comedies, and I’ve got half action/thrillers and half retarded comedies. Hers also seem more like her favorite movies. Christmas Vacation is one of her very favorites. Loaded Weapon, on the other hand, I only own because I couldn’t find it any where to rent but it was cheap on eBay. To each their own, friends.

Speaking of eBay, my most recent online purchase was the soundtrack to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a gander for curiosity’s sake. It’s the b-movie sequel to the b-movie classic Valley of the Dolls. And it’s pretty funny and has some cool music in it, but on the whole, it’s not a great movie by any definition. But, the interest is that the writer was a young man named Roger Ebert. The same Roger Ebert who was the most well known name in film criticism for decades. I don’t mean that in a “this guy is the critic and he wrote this piece of shit” way, cause I don’t mind the movie at all. But it does change your perspective of how you viewed his criticisms. I’m looking forward to when that album comes. My credit card bill, not so much.

I’m not used to having cable with this many channels. There’s so many movies on at all times. I’m going to watch the rest of Great Outdoors and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I’m going to try and watch less TV.

So, here’s a joke I’ve enjoyed for a number of years. If you’re easily offended, please don’t be. We’re opening up an intellectual dialog here.

A guy is driving through the United States towards the Canadian border, and as he’s getting closer, he sees two black guys hitchhiking. “You guys don’t have passports, do you?” he asks as he pulls over. They shrug and shake their heads. “Alright, get in the trunk,” he says. “Just shove those bowling balls and my bike aside and get in.” So, they do, and he continues on to the border. The border guard asks him the typical battery of questions, and the guy is answering, but all of a sudden, he gets nervous. Spotting the bead of sweat on his forehead, the border guard asks him to open up the trunk. “Sure thing officer,” he says, and he hits the button, thinking to himself about how screwed he is.

The guard checks out the trunk for a minute and then comes back around to the drivers side window. He clears his throat.

“Sir, I’m not going to bust you for smuggling nigger eggs, but I will tell you that two of them hatched and they’ve already stolen a bike.”

Now, I’m sure for a portion of you reading (if there is anyone other than me, Iride and Weasel reading this) will think me a terrible person for enjoying such a joke, much less posting it here. I expect there’ll be some comments by people who just read the joke and then comment without reading any of the exposition, and that’s fine. And ignorant (and ironic!).

The central issue, for me, is if a joke is clever and if it provides an interesting view of something. And, through the sheer absurdity of the notion that a border guard would think that black people laid eggs, this joke does certainly  fit that bill. To me, it’s funny because it’s so ridiculous. It’s totally irrelevant that it’s about black people. The joke is entertaining because of how preposterous its premise is.

It’s also interesting that the voice of this joke is more specific than a lot of jokes with racist overtones. Most racist jokes deal with their punchlines in a much more concrete way; the punch-lines carry a sort of invisible authority that puts them across almost as a moral lesson. “Why are Scottish men lonely? Because the sheep have learned to run away at the sound of a zipper going down.” Most racist jokes follow that sort of pattern: a quick back and forth, attributed to no one in particular. The punch line is given as an absolute, like it’s a lesson or a proverb.

In the border joke, the racist attitude is clearly attributed to the border guard himself. As such, more than other “racist” jokes, the focus is much more specific. The joke isn’t about a race. It’s about a racist. In that way, the joke shares more similarities with a dumb blond joke than a racist joke.

Even past that, however, I think there’s another benefit to a down and dirty offensive or tasteless joke. It’s like a settling of accounts, so to speak. A chance for everyone to make sure our moral compasses are pointed the same way, and if not, to engage in a debate on it. If a group of us are all out drinking, and I tell a horrifying joke about sexual assault, or something, the reactions will vary. Some people will laugh their ass off, others won’t find it funny at all on general principal because of the subject matter.

But there’s a moment where we can all come into agreement. Sure, I love the joke about the NAMBLA member and the little boy in the deep, dark woods, and you thought it was just awful. But there’s an understanding between us that the subject matter of the joke isn’t funny at all. There’s nothing funny about sexual assault, or the violence that’s been enacted in the name of racial or religious persecution. Whether or not the joke is funny to us, we can agree on that. And that’s the important thing. It’s a reaffirming moment.

The power of an offensive joke is that it can make the horrible simply absurd, but then can make you think about the issues. And that’s important. One of the biggest problems in the world today, I think, is that people don’t think about the problems that exist past their own door. If nothing else, an offensive joke forces you to think about an issue.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are predisposed to have a very negative reaction to a joke the moment they find it has anything to do with a particular issue they feel strongly about. I think that’s a pretty knee-jerk, anti-intellectual reaction.

For me, I remember practically being in shock when the news first started trickling in that Chris Benoit had murdered his family. Not knowing what else to do, I spent my time on the lethalwrestling.com message board, a small community of fans with similar senses of humor helping each other out in a shitty situation. Then someone joked that Benoit had finally managed to become a convincing bad guy, in spite of his lack of charisma. That was the one time I remember laughing that day. In the long run, I felt a lot better having had that laugh at that moment. It really me deal with the whole situation.

But, it’s late and I’m rambling. Just remember folks, an offensive joke isn’t something to get upset about. It’s just words. If you don’t like them, don’t listen to them….homo.

First off, sorry to all the “dedicated” blitz readers and especially the one other writer for slacking off for so long.

Anyway- The winter season is finally drawing to a close (although we got 6 inches of powder yesterday), and I’m sure you are all wondering how “I” will continue to “ride” daily (daley). The answer of course, is eBay. It should be noted that I meant to write this post like a month ago and ask you all if anyone lived in or around Vancouver, but as of this point it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that my brother, the eBay nerd, got me into bidding and buying useless shit on said site and once I won my first auction I was hooked. I used to buy things from eBay occasionally, but only with the “Buy it Now” option, because I didn’t feel like sitting around for 3 more days monitoring the auction and slipping in a low-ball bid 30 seconds before the item closed. Only now do I see the error of my ways. Here’s what I got in the last couple of months:

3 Lift Tickets and a Discount Card to Whistler Blackcomb - I later got another lift ticket through eBay so that Lindsay and I each had 2. I think I saved a total of about $50 vs. getting them at the window, but I’m not sure what the tax would have been. GST sucks, by the way. This purchase was not essential to keeping the ride alive, since my local ski area is still open for another week and some places around here don’t close until May, but it certainly made the ride a lot more awesome. Case in point:

We were only there for 2 days right after Easter, but we got a ton of powder and some really good food. Vancouver was not quite as exciting, but still fun and interesting, especially the freaks on Hastings popping pills and dancing at 10am and this random guy who decided to direct traffic (I created a youtube account just to post this so you BETTER watch it):

Also, I don’t think I met any Canadians the whole time we were in Whistler, just lots of Aussies, Kiwis, and Brits, but the Hostel manager in Vancouver had the most stereotypical accent ever and kept saying “eh” and “aboot” to the point where I thought he was fucking with us.

On to the main event- The following two items are the key to continuing my newfound hobby of kicking ass on a board of some sort:

1) Lightly Used Girl Skateboard with Thunder trucks and Spitfire wheels - Actual quote from the listing: “i bought this sweet complete, subsequently got married and never again set foot on the board. thats what happens. beware of those ladies, they suck you dry.” This board barely had a scratch on it and even after shipping cost me less than half of what it would have in a store. I used to love skateboarding when I was like 13-16 but I kept getting minor injuries which upset my dad and his need to live vicariously through me as I played high school sports. No more competitive sports = bring on the pain!

2) Emerica Lashed Shoe Size 7.5 - Yes, my feet are that small. That’s not the point, though. The point is that as long as the gum sole of these puppies is in contact with the griptape of the aforementioned item, the ride will remain alive. OH YEAH! Also- The seller of this item contacted me prior to shipping and offered to knock off $20 from the total because they turned out to be a display model and one of them was slightly faded from being in the window. I still can’t figure out which one it was…

The one bad thing I will say about eBay is that it is highly addictive. After these crucial items I ended up also getting some wrist guards (one of which I lost at Whistler) and a $5 copy of Sid Meier’s Civilizations III, which is one of the main reasons I didn’t write a post for like a month.

So, I’ve been living in Fredericton for a week now. Pros and cons to that situation-

Pro-

There’s a Pita Pit here.
There’s a nice comic book shop here.
I live pretty much on the same street where my job is.
My apartment is pretty sweet, probably the nicest place where I’ve lived on my own.
My job promises to be stimulating and, hopefully, somewhat rewarding.

Con-

The roads in this town seem to have been designed by the same insane hillbillies who laid out the road system for Kentville, Nova Scotia. This is a dangerous city to be unfamiliar in.
I know no one.
My friends are, for the most part, too lazy or unmotivated to come visit me.

I hope things get more interesting, or at least that I meet a few people soon. Somehow, with internet access, more than 100 channels on TV, all of my video games, all of my records, all of my cds, and one of my guitars here, I’ve been very restless. Bored even. It’s very easy to just get home after work and do nothing but watch TV. I hope that once I’m more comfortable here, I’ll be able to focus more seriously on my music and my writing.

It was a quiet night. We watched Memento earlier, at least the sixth time I’ve seen it, but it’s one of those movies that you can watch again and again without getting tired of it. Interestingly enough, I really wasn’t in the mood to watch it when we started, but just watching that scene of the gun flying back into Guy Pearce’s hand and the bullet casing popping back into the gun I was totally absorbed back into it. Wally Pfeister, Christopher Nolan’s cinematographer deserves a ton of credit.

Saturday Night Live is on right now. For the most part, it’s pretty disappointing. You can count on at least three high points to each episode these days.
1) Andy Samberg’s Digital Short will remind us all of how good the show has been, and could be.
2) There will be at least one, and at most four, good jokes in the Weekend Update (tonight, it’s “In a recent interview, Madonna criticized New York, saying the city had lost the luster it had in the 80’s. Said New York, “Right back at ya.”")
3) Kristen Wiig will continue to cement her reputation as the new Will Ferrel of the show, by delivering very memorable performances in every sketch she’s in. Unfortunately, they write her into virtually the same sketch every week, so it gets old pretty quick.

The saddest thing about it? Not even Christopher Walken could get me interested in the show tonight. And I’m a huge Walken fan. Reminds me, quick joke that was a lot funnier a few years back. What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken! (If you don’t get it, say it out loud to yourself)

Random thought: Christmas does have something to do with Christianity. It’s a commonly heard complaint from both bitter hardline Christians and jaded slackers that the way Christmas is celebrated (and the character of Santa Claus himself) has absolutely nothing to do with the birth of Jesus or anything else which the holiday is supposedly predicated on. But how about this? Once they hear that they’re going to get their toys, kids are only too happy to put their faith into good ol jolly, red, morbidly obese St. Nick. Sure, they never see him actually deliver any presents with their own eyes, and seeing a clearly different guy playing Santa at the mall vs. the parade float throws the whole thing into question, but for presents they’re willing to believe.

So now they’re conditioned to believe in one totally intangible omnipresent force. Why not another? I submit that belief in Santa Claus (and to a lesser extent the Easter Bunny as well), though it has nothing to do with anything religious, trains kids to be more accepting of the idea of god. Now, that’s not to say that this is any sort of conspiracy, maaaaaaan. Rather, I think it just explains why the church never complains too loudly that the popular celebration of Christmas is a bastardization of both terms Christ and mass.

Dark Knight viral marketing has picked up again. Perhaps I’ll give a more thorough synopsis soon, but I’ll let you know that both The Gotham Times and the graffittied Hahaha Times have both been updated, and several new sites have been launched. I also received a phone call from Commissioner Gordon, which was pretty sweet. Jimmy says that because I logged into what I thought was a Joker-viral site, that he’s got me on counts of conspiracy and that I’ll rot in jail for the rest of my life if I don’t help him in a sting against the Joker.

Well, I need sleep. See you in the morning.