Here’s an interesting one. Have you seen these ads that Burger King, I believe, has been running lately for their Angus burger? The ads show a dude trying to impress a girl by showing her famous songs, paintings and whatever else and claiming them as his own. “Yeah, see this painting. I did it. I call it Whistler’s Mother.” or whatever. He then claims the Burger King Angus burger as being his creation as well.

The funny thing about it though, is the subtext. Because Burger King isn’t the restaurant known for their Angus burgers; Harvey’s is (and to a lesser extent, Arby’s are also long time Angus practitioners). Hence the subtext: like the douche bags in their commercials, Burger King is claiming the an Angus Burger as their own original creation.

Another interesting element of this is the “Certified Angus Beef” brand, which is the name, but is the name accurate? Remember, MacDonald’s usually makes their burgers with 100% Pure Beef. Notice that is capitalized, because 100% Pure Beef is the brand name, not the actual beef content.

It’s kind of silly when you think about it. They’re proud of appropriating another store’s trademark meal for themselves. Not that it’s a really huge deal compared to some restaurants. MacDonald’s seems to take particular delight in putting as much random crap as possible on their menu. Chicken, pizza, fajitas, and even lobster (blasphemy!) have all made their way on to the MacDonald’s menu. Knowing their history though, I suppose that is what they’re known for.

After the failure of the Hula Burger (a burger with a ring of pineapple on it, ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little), the item that put MacDonald’s on the map was the Fillet of Fish Burger. At the time, a fish burger was unthinkable but it was a hit nonetheless. So I guess MacDonald’s is generally the sponge of fast food, absorbing and appropriating whatever comes their way.

But they haven’t shown the chutzpah that Burger King has. When MacDonalds comes out with their deli sandwiches, they don’t have ads that basically say “hey, you know how much you like Subway sandwiches? Why not come eat them at MacDonalds?” Burger King though is just straight up saying “Fuck Harvey’s! Come get your Angus here!”

That’s business though. They gotta do what they’ve gotta do. If it’s not an actual legal copyright issue, they’ll do everything they can up to that line. So, I guess if you’re the owner of a fast food company, why not do that? It’s what you’re supposed to do. Hell, that’s the capitalist system. Do everything you can possibly do to make money, up to the edge of the law (or futher if we don’t see you do it). So why not?

After a serious couple of days, I recently turned my frown upside down by tracking down the first four episodes of the new season of the Venture Brothers.

If you’ve never heard of it, The Venture Brothers is a parody action/sci-fi cartoon. Like Harvey Birdman and Sealab 2021 before it, The Venture Brothers is a somewhat under the radar animated show with what’s been described as a “cult following” (What the hell does that mean anyway? Do they wear robes?). The first two seasons were finished some time ago, and it’s been a bit of a wait for the new season to start.

“Bartender, where’s that Suffering Bastard?.” - Dr. Venture

The collective internet generally seems to obsess about deciding when a show has jumped the shark. It’s actually a little sad, there’s people out there just looking for new things to come out and excitedly try and show that they have the biggest dick and the most incisive wit on the message board.

Which is fine, I suppose. Whatever makes you happy. I don’t want to tell people how to conduct themselves on the interwebs. But that thought passed through my head when I didn’t find myself laughing very much during the new episodes. I let the thought go and started paying attention again.

“You lurid golem!” - Col. Hunter Gathers

As the first episode ended I took a moment to reflect on it. Here’s the thing that a lot of people will probably get hung up about, if they find the same thing I do: I don’t think the show is as funny as it was. Or at least not in the same way.

But the more interesting thing is that I’m enjoying these episodes as much or more than the previous episodes. I’m not laughing out loud as much as I did before, but I’m really into these episodes. Maybe the dialogue isn’t as snappy but the story is better.

“Our numbers are ranks?” - Henchman #24

Or maybe after everything I’ve been through with these characters, I’ve found myself caring about them. I’m looking forward to every episode more than the last. The story is really deep in each episode which seems to offer another piece of a larger story being told, though each episode is relatively autonomous. Seeming one note characters like Billy Quizboy and Byron Orpheus end up showing a lot of range. Characters who have been mentioned in passing for two seasons are just showing up now.

Maybe you won’t like it. In fact, there’s a good chance that if you’ve never seen the previous episodes you won’t be able to hit the ground running. But at least give it a shot. There’s worse things you could do with your time.

We’re a mere three weeks away, and even this close, there’s new and great little bits of the Dark Knight being dangled, carrot-like, in front of us. My recent favorite is another part to the party scene that we’ve seen a little of in prior trailers. “Where is Harvey Dent?” the Joker demands of the horrified party-goers. He starts walking towards Rachel, Dent’s girlfriend, shifting his knife around in his hand. In almost a sing-song voice, he adds “I’ll settle for his loved ones.”

It probably doesn’t read very well, but Ledger’s delivery is chilling. Search Youtube for Dark Knight tv trailer # 4 or 6.

[Author’s note: Upon realizing today that yesterday was the one year anniversary of the Chris Benoit double murder-suicide, I immediately felt a twinge of sadness. That was followed by an incredible rush of guilt at having posted such a glowing, wrestling positive article yesterday. So, here’s a reality check.]

The wrestling world was forever changed 366 days ago. Or at least that’s what we thought then. When Chris Benoit’s weekend long psychotic break occurred, taking the lives of his wife and child as well as his own, it seemed like it may have been a death blow to the industry. If Chris Benoit could murder his family, how could anyone look at wrestling the same way again? It seemed like a lot of fans would stop watching, leading the business to its knees. It was oddly poetic: the company that made it through endless sex and drug scandals, wrongful death lawsuits and the Katie Vick angle was going to be, if not brought down, changed forever by a short Canadian wrestler with a gap tooth and a lack of charisma.

That never happened, however. The more things change, the more they stay the same. For all the talk of Senate hearings and all the disillusioned former Benoit fans, the industry continues to chug along; derailment is not a concern.

I touched on this recently in the Birth of Hulkamania article, but the wrestling business is very cyclical. In the late 80’s and early 90’s, the WWF was rocked by charges of steroid distribution against McMahon himself and allegations of homosexual abuse by Vince’s right hand man, Pat Patterson (the exchange of sexual favors for a better position in the company). With the company rocked by this, and their public image tarnished, the WWF just refocused.

To draw people away from the awful sex and drug scandals, Vince positioned the WWF as family entertainment. He outlawed blading (cutting oneself to draw blood in a match), removed any sexual or violent elements in the company and replaced edgy dark characters like Jake “The Snake” with goofy kid-friendly characters like Doink the Clown, Aldo Montoya and the pig farmer, Henry Godwin. By making the WWF fun for the whole family, Vince was able to sweep the ugly spectre of sex and drugs under the proverbial rug.

The same thing is happening now. I haven’t seen anyone blade in months. Characters who looked like they were going to be very edgy have stalled (Paul Burchill and Katie Lea, for example, were reportedly set to play an incestuous set of siblings. That element of their relationship has yet to be explored and probably never will be). Hell, they just recently launched the WWE Kids magazine, perhaps the most telling evidence suggesting a new kid-focused approached.

If you look at this from a historical perspective, this may be a good thing for the industry in the long run. Vince’s kid focused entertainment, combined with the loss of Hulk Hogan allowed WCW to pick up a ton of steam in the mid-90’s, leading to direct competition and the most profitable period in wrestling history.

If history repeats itself, and it probably will, Vince’s kid friendly approach will probably drive off a lot of the coveted male 15-30 demographic. If the stars line up right, this may be the break that TNA needs to gain new fans, achieve financial stability and position themselves as a viable alternative to the WWE. That competition will, in turn, light a fire under Vince’s ass and bring on another glory age of wrestling, looked back on as fondly as The Hogan Era or The Monday Night Wars.

But that’s irrelevant. The business is cyclical, and if it’s not this situation that leads to another golden age, it’ll be something else. It would have happened anyway; a new star would capture the imagination of the casual viewing audience, or another well funded rival like WCW would pop up. But the Benoit family will still be dead, and Chris Benoit’s legacy will still have been tarnished.

I hoped in the months following the tragedy that there would be some good come out of this. Perhaps Benoit could at least cause some more vigorous testing for concussions and some more concern for wrestlers’ well being. Those hopes were dashed by one poorly chosen phrase: “consistent with an 80-year old man with dementia.”

Because this was the language that Chris Nowinski’s Sports Legacy Institute chose to use in their report on the findings from their study of Benoit’s brain, it gave Vince an out. The phrase was supposed to emphasize that some parts of Benoit’s brain had similar symptoms, not necessarily that his behavior or the effects on him would be the same. They were simply trying to explain how extensive the damage was. But that phrase allowed Vince an out to say that “an 80-year old man with dementia could never have done the things that Chris Benoit did. He wouldn’t have been able to book a flight or walk to the ring, let alone wrestle. This report is obviously flawed.”

It’s sad that because of this, Vince’s company line has become “Chris Benoit was always a monster.” It’s even sadder that because of this, concern over concussions will not increase in the company: that would be admitting that they’re wrong. Instead, Vince is happy to sweep this under the rug again, and get back to work at selling John Cena shirts and Rey Mysterio replica masks.

I’m awaiting delivery of a book called “Ring of Hell,” which supposedly delves deeply into the atmosphere of the Stampede Wrestling Dungeon, the New Japan Dojos, and gives insight into the insane world that shaped Chris Benoit. While I’ll certainly take a lot of the book with a grain of salt (I’ve heard that many of the writer’s sources are former WWE writers who probably have axes to grind), it makes some interesting points.

One of the more interesting points made that I’ve read on the internet is that Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Bret Hart and any other wrestler who put on great matches was crazy from the get go. Because if you’re in a business where the matches are scripted and the point is simply to make money, what would possess you to actually put your body on the line? It would be the equivalent of a stuntman actually taking a bullet on a movie set in the name of realism.

And since I read that, it’s been echoing in my head. That’s always been the part of wrestling I really enjoy: the wrestling. Great matches and moments. But what would possess any wrestlers to do that? Hulk Hogan made more money than most people in wrestling by just doing a big boot and a leg drop for 30 years. What would possibly convince someone to nearly kill themselves every night for a fraction of the pay? And what would convince someone like Benoit to, after seeing the toll this took on his mentor The Dynamite Kid (now confined to a wheelchair after years of steroids and putting himself through hell in the ring), continue to wrestle the same way even exceeding the risks his mentor took? These are very similar questions to “what could possess someone to kill their wife and son?” Maybe Vince is right. Maybe he was crazy from the start.

I always used to take comfort, hell I would brag, that one of the reasons Benoit was a great wrestler was because he seemed to truly love it and it didn’t matter how much money he was making. He would be doing it anyway. That dedication was what drove him, and it may have been what ruined him. When I think about this, there’s a great deal of guilt that comes through me. Was I a fan of this man for all the same reasons that made him a murderer? A lot of people have been calling Benoit the O.J. Simpson of wrestling. Thinking about this, it’s probably a lot more accurate to call him the Syd Barrett of wrestling: the reason people loved his work was also the reason for his downfall.

Today, a commemorative article focusing on Benoit’s match work was posted on 411mania. You can see a clear divide in the wrestling fan community in the comments. Half are still Benoit fans. Half simply define him as a murderer who is a black eye on the industry and best forgotten. Those comments bring up weighty questions to be sure. Can a man’s entire life be defined by the actions of a single weekend? Do any of a man’s accomplishment’s matter when he becomes a murderer, a child murderer no less? I have no answers to these questions.

What I can tell you is that a year ago, Chris Benoit became the most well known wrestler in the world for all the wrong reasons. That is as deeply ironic and sad now as it was then. As for me, if someone asks me who my favorite wrestler is, I have to think about it. A year ago, I would have answered Benoit without hesitation. Now, I’m not so sure.

One thing I am sure of, no one has summed this situation up as well as Eric Bischoff, even a year later:

“God bless Nancy and Daniel Benoit. God forgive Chris Benoit.”

[Postscript: This day is one ridiculous downer. R.I.P. George Carlin. He made the world a better place by pointing out a lot of the bullshit we face everyday. Lewis Black, David Cross and so many others owe Carlin a huge debt of gratitude for breaking ground for them. I’ll have a Carlin retrospective in the works if no one else has one up in the next week.]

I recently made the justification to order WWE’s 24/7 on demand service. So far, it’s provided well more value than the $9.95 a month it costs. In the few weeks that I’ve had the service, I’ve watched a handful of pay-per-views, 2 episodes of Raw and 2 of Nitro that had gone head to head back in 97, some Mid-South wrestling from 1982, and some NWA wrestling from 1979. I’ve watched Ted DiBiase before he was the Million $ Man and Mike Rotundo before he was IRS.

One of the more interesting shows they provided was the very historic January 23, 1984 WWF show from Madison Square Garden. Here’s a review-

Tony Garea vs. Jose Luis Rivera- I’ve never heard of Rivera before. Commentators Gorilla Monsoon and Pat Patterson put him over as a rising star. Ahhh, hindsight. Garea, on the other hand, I remember being one of the back stage officials who would come running to the ring to break up brawls from 1989-1999 or so. He was pretty talented here, and when Rivera tries a dive off the top, Garea uses his momentum against him and rolls him up for a three count. Not a bad little opening match.

Mr. Fuji, seen here trying to figure out what the fuck line dancing is, was one of the most feared wrestlers of all time, and one of the most hated managers of all time. He now works as a ticket taker at a movie theater in Knoxville, I think. His review of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: “Adam Sandler and Kevin James are firefighters who pretend to be butt friends for tax fraud. Jessica Biel in rainbow panties makes me feel good in coin purse.”

The Invaders vs. Mr. Fuji and Tiger Chung Li - The Invaders wear masks, are foreign (from Peurto Rico, I believe) and are bland good guys. So they really had no chance in mid-80’s WWF. Tiger Chung Li was the type of wrestler who probably would have been a champion in Japan, but again, this being mid-80’s WWF, he had the shelf life of margarine. The high point here is Mr. Fuji, who was a devious manager type for years, as I remember him best. Fuji is a great heel though, the crowd wants to kill him. Such great subtleties to his performance, like cheating and then beaming a huge smile at the crowd. Match went to a 20 minute draw, which was pretty common then.

Laugh if you want, but this mask helped Superstar avoid child support payments for 32 years.

The Masked Superstar vs. Chief Jay Strongbow - Masked Superstar is, if I recall correctly, Bill Eadie, best known as one half of Demolition in the late-80’s/early 90’s. Strongbow is one of the best known stereotypical Indian wrestlers. Less said about the match the better. Superstar gets the pin after a clothesline.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ivan Putski - Slaughter is, arguably, one of the best known wrestlers ever, so he probably doesn’t need much explanation. Putski was Polish, which was about the extent of his gimmick. Not a great match. Slaughter wins by count-out. Good crowd reaction, but watching it 24 years later, it’s hard to care.

Paul Orndorff, also known as Mr. Wonderful (or occasionally the more colorful, Mr. #1derful), was a great wrestler. He’s a living cautionary tale now, however, as an untreated neck injury caused his right arm to atrophy, making him look like the biggest chronic masturbator of all time.

Paul Orndorff vs. Salvatore Bellomo - I’ve never heard of Bellomo. Based on the announcer banter, they had the same high hopes for him as they did for Rivera back in the first match. Orndorff is one of the all-time greats and rarely gets enough credit. Match is decent, but Roddy Piper (Orndorff’s manager at the time) really makes it worthwhile, just being ridiculously entertaining yelling at Bellomo, the ref, the fans, the commentators and anyone else within earshot. Orndorff sends Bellomo back into obscurity with a piledriver.

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco was a loudmouthed, but undeniably charismatic, human volcano from Hawaii. It saddens me that these little John Cena kids these days wouldn’t know who the hell he is.

Intercontinental Title Match: Champion Don Muraco vs. Tito Santana- Commentators call Muraco “The Rock” a full 10 years before Dwayne Johnson even starts wrestling. Really good match. Muraco is a solid worker and Santana is probably the best pure babyface wrestler ever (or perhaps second only to Ricky Steamboat). Ending makes no sense, however, as the ref calls for a double disqualification for no apparent reason. I thought that Santana would win the title here, because I know that Randy Savage beats Santana for the title somewhere in 1985 or ‘86, but I guess he gets it somewhere else down the line.

Tiger Jackson in a moment of, believe it or not, pride and quiet dignity.

2 Out Of 3 Falls Match: The Haiti Kid and Tiger Jackson vs. Dana Carpenter and Pancho Boy - MIDGETS! YES! Haiti Kid and Carpenter I’ve never heard of. Pancho Boy is notable for being billed from Canada for some reason. Because when you think Canada, you think ponchos. Anyway, Tiger Jackson is most noteworthy here because he would go on to play Dink the Clown in the mid-90’s, breaking ground for Hornswaggle today (it’s up to you whether that’s a good thing or not). Jackson was a hell of a talent though. Fun match. Haiti and Jackson take it with two in a row.

WWF World Title Match: Champion The Iron Sheik vs. Hulk Hogan- Here we are at the Main Event, which actually isn’t the last match because they used to be concerned about running out of time, so they would have the main event second or third last. Here’s your background for this match-

A couple of months previous, Bob Backlund was the World Champion, and the fans were tiring of his purely technical style. Vince, having just recently purchased his father’s WWWF (the World Wide Wrestling Federation), has renamed it the WWF and wants his new golden boy, Hulk Hogan as the champion. Backlund, not wanting to turn heel, drops the title out of nowhere to foreign heel bastard The Iron Sheik. “Iran number 1! USA hack-patooey!” - The Iron Sheik.

The Iron Sheik, seen here breaking a back, fucking an ass, and making someone humble (in that order) was reportedly offered a large sum of money by a rival promoter to break Hogan’s leg in this match. I wonder if he ever regrets his decision? Still, even though he’s nuttier than a Snickers Pie, there’s arguably nobody who’s as entertaining a train wreck as Sheiky.

A month later, the Sheik comes here to Madison Square Garden and gets big-booted and leg dropped by Hogan in about five minutes. What’s interesting here is how quickly things happened. Sheik lost the title insanely quickly in a ludicrously short match.The average title run at this time would have probably been two years, with the average title match lasting about an hour. This would be the start of a trend of short title reigns, peaking in 1999 which saw 11 new world champions crowned. These days they seem to average four a year.

Regardless, the eradication of the Sheik was symbolic to be sure, as it would be the start of nearly ten years of Hogan big boots and leg drops. Something about the leathery ape just caught on with the people, and he was able to be the figure head of the industry.

Hogan’s title win made him the centrepiece of the entire wrestling industry. After his successful “Hollywood” reinvention petered off, his stock dropped significantly before he was able to get himself back on the map with his reality show. Unfortunately, that seems to have completely destroyed his family. Should have left well enough alone Hulkster!

I get a laugh out of the cyclical nature of wrestling though. At the end of 1994, this exact situation happened again, only this time it was Bret Hart playing the role of Backlund, Diesel as Hogan, and (ironically) Backlund himself playing the Iron Sheik role, dropping the title to Diesel at MSG in about eight seconds after a three day title run. Diesel didn’t turn out anywhere near as good for Vince as Hogan, but that’s another story.

Regardless, a very historic moment, as this was the first real concrete moment that can be pointed to as “the birth of Hulkamania.” The pieces were put in place in the AWA and in Rocky III and where ever else. But I always thought being the champ was such a huge part of Hogan’s character. His character was that he was this big hot-shit wrestler, and he seemed lost when it didn’t have the belt as a prop, or whatever. Considering the pop culture phenomenon that is Hulk Hogan, regardless of what bullshit he’s going through now, it’s an interesting thing to look back on. Speaking of back, let’s get back to the matches.

Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka vs. Rene Goulet - Goulet is another future-”backstage official.” Snuka is one of the greatest of all time, but the crowd really isn’t in to this after just cheering their guts out for Hogan. Nothing bad, but too quick to be meaningful (which is hilarious, considering the world title match might have lasted a minute longer than this one).

Andre the Giant, Tony Atlas and Rocky Johnson vs. Afa, Sika and Samula - Atlas and Johnson are the Tag Team Champions at this point. Lot’s of connections to The Rock here. Johnson is Rock’s father, and Johnson is married to the sister of Afa and Sika, if I recall correctly. Afa and Sika were three time tag champs under the name The Wild Samoans. I have no idea who Samula is, but he may have been Samu in the later Samoan savage tag team of The Head Shrinkers. Umaga and Rikishi, more recent Samoan stereotypes, are also sons of either Afa or Sika. This history lesson is actually a lot more interesting than the match itself, which ends when Andre just sits on Samula after five minutes of plodding action.

So, with this as a first touching off point, I will highly recommend WWE 24/7 to any wrestling fans, especially fans who can’t stand the current product. I’ve barely watched any new wrestling since I got 24/7. Why would I need to? I’ve got access to a ton of great old stuff whenever I want it. It’s a good feeling, let me tell you. I’m going to go watch some classics now, I think.

“Police! This man won’t stop singing showtunes!”

So, being the swell son of a bitch I am, I didn’t complain (much) about going to see the Sex and the City movie this week. It was…well, interesting in a lot of ways. From what Lindsay had told me (and from the recap montage at the start of the movie), everything had been wrapped up in a nice happy ending at the end of the series. So how do you create conflict where the happy ending is already there? You just throw everything to hell halfway through the movie, then have it all wrapped up nicely by the ending. Not that I expected much more, and not that it would really benefit from something more either. A Sex and the City movie isn’t exactly the place where I would expect, or want really, a very thought provoking and poignant message to come through.

It’s been said in numerous reviews, and it’s probably very true, that fans will love it, and non-fans probably won’t. I tried to keep an open mind, and it was fine for what it was, but nothing I’m too interested in on the whole. The material isn’t exactly Shakespeare but Chris Noth and they guy who plays the red-haired, giraffe-necked lady’s husband clearly come across as the most capable actors in the movie. Noth especially puts a lot of subtlety into his performance that keeps his Big character from being the one-dimensional womanizer/non-commital stereotype that’s so common in movies.

One question wheys on my mind though: don’t her friends mind her writing all this stuff about them in her columns? Lindsay says that they never explicitly say how much of her narration ends up in her stories, which is fair enough, I suppose. But the opening of the movie shows a bunch of different pages of books with their names explicitly named. And, from what I remember of flipping past the show a few times on tv, her narration, in Doogie Howser style, would sync up with her computer screen as she typed the words, also implying that everything said in the narration is in her columns. So are her friends just literary exhibitionists, getting off on the idea of all her readership knowing intimate details of their sexual lives? It certainly adds a nice level of perversion to the dark haired prim and proper chick, that’s for sure.

She’s supposedly Greek, but the whole ninja thing makes me think she’d be Japanese, and she’s played by Jennifer Garner. No wonder nobody cares about Elektra since Frank Miller.

Also this week, I happened to catch the majority of Ben Affleck’s Daredevil, which I have to say, is pretty awful. Aside from issues of characterization (or perhaps the more troubling issue  of “Is Ben Affleck really an action star?”), I just plain didn’t like the way this movie was shot. I’ve said it plenty of times, I love it when you lose yourself into a movie, and don’t notice shots or pans unless you force yourself to. In this movie, I was aware of everything the director wanted to do, and I really disliked every choice that he made.

I’ve got the vinyl of this album. “Theme for a Big Green Van” is a classic.

We got around to watching Police Academy and Up in Smoke this past week as well. Good times. Up In Smoke especially is always a nostalgic favorite of mine. Interestingly enough, like Lethal Weapon, Up In Smoke had a similarly hilarious trailer on the DVD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Q7bS2Wsz7M

I just find it very heartwarming that not only are they comparing Cheech and Chong to Abbot and Costello, but also that Paramount is basically instructing people to get stoned before coming to see the movie. The juxtaposition of the announcer’s voice and the subject matter he’s talking about is great too.

To finish off this week, here’s a quick review of Lego Indiana Jones.

Basically, if you played the Lego Star Wars games, you’ll like this. The game play here is virtually identical, just with new characters, new locations and new puzzles. And I certainly did like Lego Star Wars, so this one is a fun little romp. It’s also packed with nostalgia for any fans of the original movie series. There’s only a scant few problems with the game, like having the button to enter a vehicle being the same button the change characters. The gameplay can get frustrating at moments when the solutions to puzzles aren’t immediately evident, but that’s matched by the joy of finally figuring out whatever the hell it is you need to do.

Also, Nintendo recently released an updated version of Dr. Mario for the downloadable Wii-ware. It’s Dr. Mario, so I don’t need to tell you it’s some classic puzzle game fun. They’ve added flash mode (where a handful of your viruses are flashing, and you need only get rid of them to win), and a whole new version of the game, Virus Buster. Virus Buster is played with the Wii-mote pointing at the screen, draggin pills around to where you want them manually, and taking advantage of the game’s comparitavely slower physics.

The real fun though is the online mode, where you can take on friends and strangers from around the world. My only beef here is that there’s no online capabilities for the Virus Buster mode, which would have been fun as well. Overall though, speaking as someone who was appalled that Lindsay’s DS can’t play classic Gameboy titles (like the original Dr. Mario) this game is a great value. I think the Wii Points works out to about 10 bucks, which is a good price for the amount of fun playing online is.

We’ve got a month and a bit left until The Dark Knight comes out. I’ll be doing a large wrap up as we get closer to the release date, but for now, I’ll leave you with some new pics that were recently leaked. Man, that scene in the interrogation room is going to be intense.

Some time ago, one of my first Blitzes in fact, I was gushing about what a great game Castlevania: Symphony of the Night was. Since that time, the laptop I was playing my burned copy on broke down, and I hadn’t played it since. The burned CD wouldn’t play on my PS2, so I had to turn to the eBay. If you’re looking for this game, try emulating a PS1 first. The game is fairly rare, and copies go for anywhere between $50 and $100. Unless you suddenly have some expendible income (or love the game enough to decide its worth paying that much for it) it’s probably easier to download a disc image of the game, burn it, and play it with a downloaded emulator or your modded PS1.

Looking past the creepy monster with the pretty lady lure for a minute, the first time you notice the eye in the background of this level is pretty cool feeling.

The point is that over a year ago, I named this game as probably my favorite of all time, and now playing it again, I’m happy to say it still is. Also, a year on I can better explain some of the finer points of the game.

This image might be safe for work, but your co-workers might think you’re creepy. This is the Succubus, one of the bosses in the game. She’s based of the mythical demon that would entice men to have sex with her, which probably had some sort of awful downside that I’m not seeing.

One of the best aspects is that it’s got RPG elements in a side scrolling action game, but even by RPG standards, it has remarkable depth. For example, I recently spent about half an hour in the catacombs below the castle. Wait, no. Actually it was above the castle, since this was in the Inverted Castle. See, once you earn learn enough abilities to beat the castle and free the possessed Belmont, you can enter an upside down version of the castle with much harder enemies and ultimately, Dracula. From then on, you go back and forth between the  two castles as you need to. I digress.

The Dark Octopus may look like a living pizza with tentacles, but it sprays blood like nobodies business when you slash at it.

I was in the catacombs above the castle and I spent about a half hour killing dark octopuses (dark octopi?). My purpose was threefold. First, I was leveling up my character. Second, I was leveling up my familiar, a little ghost that follows me around and sucks energy from bad guys. Third, and coolest, I was leveling up my sword, the Murumasa or something. This particular sword is a vampire’s sword, apt for your son of Dracula character in the game. When you cut enemies with this sword, if they bleed and it lands on you it revives your health (you can actually do this with any sword, but it requires the use of a magic spell, naturally, at the expense of magic points). The really cool part though, is that the sword itself levels up, and the more you use it, the more powerful it becomes. Now, this makes little sense, since I would think the more you use a sword, the more dull it would become. But I doubt a vampire is revived by blood that lands on his pants either, so we’ll take it with a grain of salt. Nontheless, in games where your concerned with leveling, it sometimes feels like a chore, but due to the action nature of this game, it rarely feels tedious.

Last time I talked about this game, I showed off the boss Beezelbub. This time, it’s the guy who is currently kicking the shit out of me, Galamoth.

Now, if your like me, you’re thinking “why the hell is that dinosaur walking on his hind legs, wearing golden armour and swinging around a magic rod that shoots lightning at you?” Actually, there’s a pretty good answer. Galamoth was originally the main villain in a little game called Kid Dracula, also by Konami.

If it wasn’t obvious enough that these two games are related, here’s Kid Dracula’s version of the iconic “Castlevania stairs to the last boss’ room.”

Seems like these two have met before. So when the main character of Symphony of the Night was a little kid (probably 50 or 60 as far as half-vampires age), he had a cute little adventure and fought a much younger and cuter Galamoth. Now he’s back for revenge. That’s probably why he’s mopping the floor with me. And to bring it all full circle, this is why I was in the inverted catacombs, killing dark octopi. And that’s why I’m going back there right now.