Seems my sudden surge of activity (riding my new rocketbicycle, inline skating, Aikido, and generally walking everywhere and avoiding my car) has resulted in extreme muscle aches, a painfully sore right knee, sore right elbow, and non-weight-supporting stabbing-pain right shoulder.

Time to take it easy!

Still went to Aikido, but was very relaxed. We practiced posture, unbendable arm, and some more static techniques that don’t require a lot of motion. But I can’t find any pictures or videos of the related activities.

Perhaps I should take some time off and, oh, I dunno, watch batman or something. I still haven’t even gotten around to seeing Ironman yet. :/

“Police! This man won’t stop singing showtunes!”

So, being the swell son of a bitch I am, I didn’t complain (much) about going to see the Sex and the City movie this week. It was…well, interesting in a lot of ways. From what Lindsay had told me (and from the recap montage at the start of the movie), everything had been wrapped up in a nice happy ending at the end of the series. So how do you create conflict where the happy ending is already there? You just throw everything to hell halfway through the movie, then have it all wrapped up nicely by the ending. Not that I expected much more, and not that it would really benefit from something more either. A Sex and the City movie isn’t exactly the place where I would expect, or want really, a very thought provoking and poignant message to come through.

It’s been said in numerous reviews, and it’s probably very true, that fans will love it, and non-fans probably won’t. I tried to keep an open mind, and it was fine for what it was, but nothing I’m too interested in on the whole. The material isn’t exactly Shakespeare but Chris Noth and they guy who plays the red-haired, giraffe-necked lady’s husband clearly come across as the most capable actors in the movie. Noth especially puts a lot of subtlety into his performance that keeps his Big character from being the one-dimensional womanizer/non-commital stereotype that’s so common in movies.

One question wheys on my mind though: don’t her friends mind her writing all this stuff about them in her columns? Lindsay says that they never explicitly say how much of her narration ends up in her stories, which is fair enough, I suppose. But the opening of the movie shows a bunch of different pages of books with their names explicitly named. And, from what I remember of flipping past the show a few times on tv, her narration, in Doogie Howser style, would sync up with her computer screen as she typed the words, also implying that everything said in the narration is in her columns. So are her friends just literary exhibitionists, getting off on the idea of all her readership knowing intimate details of their sexual lives? It certainly adds a nice level of perversion to the dark haired prim and proper chick, that’s for sure.

She’s supposedly Greek, but the whole ninja thing makes me think she’d be Japanese, and she’s played by Jennifer Garner. No wonder nobody cares about Elektra since Frank Miller.

Also this week, I happened to catch the majority of Ben Affleck’s Daredevil, which I have to say, is pretty awful. Aside from issues of characterization (or perhaps the more troubling issue  of “Is Ben Affleck really an action star?”), I just plain didn’t like the way this movie was shot. I’ve said it plenty of times, I love it when you lose yourself into a movie, and don’t notice shots or pans unless you force yourself to. In this movie, I was aware of everything the director wanted to do, and I really disliked every choice that he made.

I’ve got the vinyl of this album. “Theme for a Big Green Van” is a classic.

We got around to watching Police Academy and Up in Smoke this past week as well. Good times. Up In Smoke especially is always a nostalgic favorite of mine. Interestingly enough, like Lethal Weapon, Up In Smoke had a similarly hilarious trailer on the DVD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Q7bS2Wsz7M

I just find it very heartwarming that not only are they comparing Cheech and Chong to Abbot and Costello, but also that Paramount is basically instructing people to get stoned before coming to see the movie. The juxtaposition of the announcer’s voice and the subject matter he’s talking about is great too.

To finish off this week, here’s a quick review of Lego Indiana Jones.

Basically, if you played the Lego Star Wars games, you’ll like this. The game play here is virtually identical, just with new characters, new locations and new puzzles. And I certainly did like Lego Star Wars, so this one is a fun little romp. It’s also packed with nostalgia for any fans of the original movie series. There’s only a scant few problems with the game, like having the button to enter a vehicle being the same button the change characters. The gameplay can get frustrating at moments when the solutions to puzzles aren’t immediately evident, but that’s matched by the joy of finally figuring out whatever the hell it is you need to do.

Also, Nintendo recently released an updated version of Dr. Mario for the downloadable Wii-ware. It’s Dr. Mario, so I don’t need to tell you it’s some classic puzzle game fun. They’ve added flash mode (where a handful of your viruses are flashing, and you need only get rid of them to win), and a whole new version of the game, Virus Buster. Virus Buster is played with the Wii-mote pointing at the screen, draggin pills around to where you want them manually, and taking advantage of the game’s comparitavely slower physics.

The real fun though is the online mode, where you can take on friends and strangers from around the world. My only beef here is that there’s no online capabilities for the Virus Buster mode, which would have been fun as well. Overall though, speaking as someone who was appalled that Lindsay’s DS can’t play classic Gameboy titles (like the original Dr. Mario) this game is a great value. I think the Wii Points works out to about 10 bucks, which is a good price for the amount of fun playing online is.

We’ve got a month and a bit left until The Dark Knight comes out. I’ll be doing a large wrap up as we get closer to the release date, but for now, I’ll leave you with some new pics that were recently leaked. Man, that scene in the interrogation room is going to be intense.

As promised (although a week late) I give to you my current list of favorite movies. Once again, “current” means “At this very second” and could change at any moment depending on the spots in my memory.

Comedy:
Pretty much anything with Will Ferrell (Esp. Talladega nights, Anchorman, Old School)
Most Ben Stiller stuff (except Meet the Parents)
Caddyshack
The Big Lebowski
Office Space
Wes Anderson stuff: Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tennebaums, The Life Aquatic
40-year-old virgin, Knocked up, Superbad

Action:
The Bourne Identity, Supremacy, Ultimatum
Fight Club
The Matrix (1, not 2 or 3)
Pirates of the Caribbean (ditto)
Rocky I and IV
Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
Ronin

Drama/Thriller/Suspense:
Se7en
The Usual Suspects
American History X
Primal Fear
The Rules of Attraction
Enemy of the State
Pi

All around goodness:
Juno - Just saw this, maybe I’m biased
I *heart* Huckabee’s
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Seven Years in Tibet
The Shawshank Redemption
Scent of a Woman
High Fidelity

…And so on. Of course, there are many, many more, but you get the idea.

So, it has come to my attention that Art Garfunkel has posted a list of over 1,000 books that he has read in the last 40 years on his website. An average of 25 books per year is obviously quite impressive, plus he didn’t even start counting until he was almost 27, so he has probably read a couple hundred more that aren’t on the list. Anyway, I started to wonder how many books I have read in my life, and realized it’s really not that many. Maybe two or three hundred if you include “Hop on Pop” and shit like that. I have only been able to read for like 20 years now and there is no way I have been averaging 50 books per year, let alone 25… it’s probably somewhere between 5 and 10… 15 max.

If you want to talk movies, however, I am willing to bet that I have this tool beat. I watch easily 50 movies a year. It’s probably closer to 75 or 100, but you have to keep in mind that I have seen some movies two, three, or a dozen plus times. I was all set to compile a list of all of them, but then I realized that it would be ridiculously long and no one would give a shit anyway because I’m not a famous folk singer. Instead, here is a list of my current favorite movies divided by genre. Also, since I will be turning 24 later this month, I decided to do a list of my favorite movies from 10 years ago. Keep in mind: I was in 8th grade, and had slightly different qualifications for determining whether or not a movie was “good.” Also, my “Favorite” movies tend to change day by day and even hour by hour depending on my mood, memory, and surroundings.

My favorite movies in 1998 (I was 14):

Comedy (With Boobs): –> My favorite genre at the age of 14.
Porky’s
Revenge of the Nerds
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
National Lampoon’s European Vacation

-

Action:
Jean-Claude Van Damme: Bloodsport, Hard Target, Sudden Death
Steven Seagal: Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, Under Seige (Boobs), On Deadly Ground
Rocky: I, II, III, IV
Die Hard, Die Harder, Die Hard with a Vengeance

-

Comedy (No Boobs):
Chris Farley: Tommy Boy, Black Sheep
Jim Carrey: Liar, Liar, Dumb and Dumber, Ace Ventura: 1 and 2
Monty Python and The Holy Grail
Caddyshack
Airplane!
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey
The Naked Gun (1, 2 1/2, 33 1/3)

Sci-Fi and Fantasy:
Conan The Barbarian - Action/Fantasy combo
Deathstalker (1, 2, 3, 4) - Conan ripoff, only better, because they all contained boobs.
Star Wars (Episodes IV, V, and VI)
Predator (Action/Sci-Fi)
Twelve Monkeys

(I have always hated horror movies and I didn’t get into drama or independent stuff for quite some time)

OK, that’s actually enough of that for right now. Let’s take comments and criticism on these first and I will give you my current list next week.

As a side note- I have been told that I look like Art Garfunkel. Personally I don’t see the resemblance…

So I finally sat down and watched one of my “pile S” movies, and holy crap am I regretting it. I’ll cut to the chase: DO NOT SEE THE MARINE.

I’ll tell you why in a picture heavy format.

First up, I grabbed this movie in the ultra-bargain-bin in hopes it was a diamond in the rough that nobody actually saw. The box looked promising - kind of like Bourne Identity.

So I sit down, grab my popcorn, and hit play. The first image to appear on my set, right before the Twentieth Century Fox fanfare, was this one:

I knew it looked familiar, but wasn’t sure quite from where. When I realized it was the World Wrestling Entertainment logo, I slapped my forehead but promised myself to sit through the whole movie.

The lead actor is John Cena, who is obviously a wrestler of some sort. He’s 6 feet tall and 240 pounds of pure muscle. He reminds me of arnie back in the good ol’ days. He spends most of the movie wet and in a torn shirt. In fact, let me walk you through the movie scene-by-scene so you don’t actually have to watch it:

The movie first opens up to a hugely gratuitous scene of violence. The Marine is on assignment in some random country where people wear turbans on their heads. All alone and breaking into a terrorist hut, the Marine sees some of his american buddies about to be executed! His headset says “Wait for echo team! WAIT FOR ECHO TEAM!” but he will have none of it! “THERE’S NO TIME” he growls as he rips the headset out of his ear!! I’ve never seen that before!

So he puts on his best war face and slaughters the entire room of automatic-weapon wielding terrorists. He actually looks psychotic the whole time:

Because of his psychotic facial gyrations he is discharged from the marines and sent home, where you meet his Love interest. This is all the action you get before she’s kidnapped by bank robbers:

So now this ex-marine gets to chase his wife all over the country blowing shit up trying to get her back. Here’s my action-scene montage:

I have to say, the only real redeeming quality about this movie was some of the dialogue of the villains. Because the lead villain is this guy:

Who is the same guy who played this role:

There was a lot of terminator jokes in the movie. OK, just one, but it made me laugh out loud so I give this movie two thumbs up.

THE END

PS: he gets the girl back

My title is not really related to my post, but then it doesn’t look like anyone is ever going to see it anyway so who gives a shit? This is a throwaway post. Crap. Boobs. Crap.

I went ahead and saw The Simpsons Movie yesterday, as I had suggested earlier, but considering that no one ever responded to my suggestion to make it this weeks SunDate, I can’t do a full review. I would use the spoiler black-out thing that Weasel had given us, but after trying all of the buttons offered by the Wordpress post editor thing, I have concluded that I am too dumb. That said, I have to agree with Hawkeye and say that it did not suck. I recommend seeing it.

Naturally, the movie did not live up to my expectations, but I don’t think anything possibly could have. I wanted to rupture something laughing so hard, but was content to have sore cheek muscles from smiling/laughing. I also wish it would have at least surpassed the 90 minute mark, but considering that the Simpsons’ first attempt at a movie resulted in onbe of the shortest episodes ever (Kamp Krusty for the uninitiated and hopelessly Simpsons-trivia-ignorant) I guess I should be happy that they got it over an hour.

Two things that I want to say quickly and then I’m done:

1) Previews - I don’t know what trailers they were showing in Canada, Hawkeye, but I walked in a few minutes late and caught the end of the Bratz trailer and An Arctic Tale. Bratz are by far one of the most obnoxious toys available to young women these days that teach them how to be stuck up, superficial bitches and as if the dolls and video games weren’t bed enough, this movie looks to top them all. I threw up a little in my mouth when I saw it. Arctic tale is basically a combination of March of the Penguins and An Inconvenient truth because we are all supposed to feel guilty about global warming when we see how it affects cute polar bear cubs. I don’t have a problem with this in theory, my beef is with the narrator. No, not Morgan Freeman again. Fucking QUEEN LATIFAH. Yeah. Ugh.

2) Fun for the whole family - I hate this phrase, but the Simpsons Movie is one of the few times I could use it without irony. There are plenty of sight gags and fart jokes for stupid little kids (like the one sitting behind me who would shut up) but also a TON of references that only a die-hard Simpsons fan would get. (Look for the crumpled ambulance in the background that has apparently not moved since it was crashed in season 2, etc.).

End communication. Enjoy not posting anything, commenting, or in any way participating in our community.

As I am writing this, it is unbelievably hot and there is nothing my roommates and I have been able to do but try and not melt to the couches, and even this seems dubious. We live in an architectural marvel: in the summertime, it creates an oven-type atmosphere that is compounded by the fact that there aren’t enough windows, or at least ones you can open. In the wintertime, it is an icebox where all the heat seems to escape through the windows that don’t open, a fact that is highlighted by the regular breaking down of the furnace.

So it has happened now that the news has ended and Entertainment Tonight has followed right on its heels, and none of us being inclined to get up (we don’t have a remote), this is what we’ve been watching. It is really a horrible show, there is so much slimy glitz and dramatic music. But, among the news of celebrities getting married and such, two items of interest: one, that they’ve begun shooting the next Indiana Jones and that is totally sweet. Two, they’re going to remake ‘Footloose.’ Say what?

Footloose is a movie lodged in my memory because the soundtrack was everywhere plus it was a movie of choice at sleepovers, and so I must have seen it countless times. Dirty Dancing was also a big deal in those days (nobody puts Baby in the corner!). Now, a while ago Hawkeye said something about not messing with the classics (albeit we’re dealing with starkly different kinds of ‘classics’ here) but that’s the same point I’m going to make. Why the heck would you make another Footloose? A movie so lodged in the 80s it doesn’t just exemplify the era, it is iconic of it? Footloose was made into a musical and that is what this movie might be based off of- the musical of the movie. I’ve seen the musical because my university’s drama program put it on one year. It’s totally retarded.

The Kevin Bacon role is going to be taken by a fellow named Zac Efron. I looked him up on youtube and found a bunch of video homages titled things like “Zac Efron from Boy.. to Man” set to O-Town music which leaves me to believe I don’t know who he is because I’m not a screaming 14 year old girl. So he’s starred in this thing called High School Musical and is also appearing in the other new movie-musical-remake-movie Hairspray. Is this guy doing karaoke, but with movies? In any case, Kevin Bacon could pull off the outsider who made dancing cool because he had an edge and nobody had seen him dance before. This new guy is better described as greasy and has all the edge of the Disney padded room from which he sprang.

The thing is, Footloose isn’t even great of a movie, the story is stupid and it got mixed reviews when it came out. But it has stood the test of time, and that is commendable. And people like it. So hopefully this movie, if anything, will remind people of that.

Anyway, I hope they do keep the tractor racing scene. Now here’s some dancing!