I’ve been a delinquint lately. I just keep forgetting it’s Friday is all.

Does that mean I took the two weeks to write a clever, thought provoking, witty article?

Of course not. Instead I drew a paint comic in 9 minutes. Enjoy!

Instead of writing, I’ve made this lovely comic. Happy New Year, all!

It seems to me there has been some spider-hating going down around these parts lately. Not cool, kidz, not cool! Weasel told me I should post a top five list (with pictures! Do I know how to do pictures? NO! Time to learn, woohoo!) and I thought what better thing to celebrate the five greatest of than… spiders! (Foley and Maristar, you can cover your eyes now, the pictures are coming. I hope.)

5. Charlotte. Who doesn’t love the clever and adorable title spider from E.B. White’s Charlotte’s Web? Well, okay, Foley and Maristar don’t. I do though! Ain’t she adorable?

Bonus points for the person who came up with “Charlotte’s Web Design.”

DOUBLE bonus points for the LIVE ACTION PLAY! Not Creepy at all!

4. Norah, the Tarantula at The Victoria Bug Zoo ™. Did you know that no human has ever died of a tarantula bite? It’s true! Also, a tarantula’s third line of self-defense (after running away and/or waving her feet to make herself look BIG and MENACING) is to flick her bum-hairs at you! They’re like wee porcupine quills! So cool!

Alas, I don’t have any photos of Norah from my last visit; hopefully this will do instead.

3. Spider Solitaire! Who knew that this fabulously addictive game was available FREE on my work computer? Terrible idea, productiv0rs. The cards in the game even feature a sweet spider graphic. I won on “medium” too many times, so I’ve started playing the hard (four suits) mode. I mean, I spend all of my time at the office Hard At Work.

2. Umm… How about this lady?

1. Finally, my very favourite spider: the little dude who dropped down on his little web to right in front of my face as I typed this very article. What great timing, little guy! For your panache, you win… a free trip to the great outdoors via my coffee cup.

Awesome! Spiders! Rule! Have a good weekend.

Well, I’ve been instructed to write another article by Mr. Weas. I told him all sarcastically that I may as well just cut and paste my “I have nothing to write” article from last week.

Then the jerkface gave me an assignment - basically the worst thing he could think of (which was pretty lame) - “List your 5 least favourite spiders with pictures”. Of course, I hate ALL spiders, and I don’t know ALLLLL the spiders in the world. So I’m just going to go with what I can find pictures of.

#5

Look at that evil thing. With all it’s little beady eyes. You just know it would eat you if it was bigger and had the chance. All hairy and fangy. Ugh.

#4

This plate full of spiders is deceptive. You think it’s all safe. “Oh, they’re dead!” you say to yourself. Then BAM! A spider jumps out from underneath all the dead carcasses. You just know there’s some superbig cannabalistic one lurking underneath them all waiting to get you.

#3

Again, deceptive. You think it’s a cute little doggy, then woofwoofwoofwoofwoofSPIDERATTACK!!!!

#2

See, this is what that first spider aspires to be. Remember that first one? Where I was like if spiders were giant they’d eat you? Well THAT one is about to eat that baby. PROOF!

#1

And finally, a giant fire breathing robot spider. I don’t think I need to go into anymore explanation into why this thing is pure evil.

Ok. Spiders. That’s it for me. Stay tuned to my incredibly lame forced article next week.

There comes a time in every male’s life when he will be forced to prove his manhood. For some, the challenge will come in the form of foreign invaders or oppressors, war and self-defense, but for the majority of us, glory will come in defending our homefronts from the onslaught of vermin and potentially murderous invertebrates. Last week I did a coffee spit take when I discovered this massive spider on the wall next to my kitchen table. We locked horns in an epic battle whose story will be told and re-told for generations of Daley’s to come. When the dust cleared I emerged victorious, though fatigued, and the spider’s soul slowly rose from its battered carcass and paid tribute to the bust of Abraham Lincoln before sinking into the fiery pits of Hades.

It doesn’t have the red hour glass marking on the thorax that is so typical of a Western Black Widow, but it really doesn’t seem to resemble any of the other black spiders typically found in the Rocky Mountain Region, so I am going to assume that it was extremely poisonous and thus declare myself a hero… I guess I’m kind of like Bush that way.

R.I.P you venom-spewing octo-bitch!