Know what’s awesome? Bees. How awesome are bees, you ask?

Awesome five ways! That’s right, kids, I’m surrounded by snowbanks that are taller than me, and all I can think of are those fantastic buzzy insects that make summer days feel a little bit lazier. It’s a top five list! About why bugs are awesome! Again! Woo!

5. Bees pollenate stuff! Wikipedia estimates that 1/3 of the human food supply depends on pollenation by bees! That’s a lot of food. Thanks bees! Not only that, bees are able to pick up pollen because they carry a weak electrostatic charge. Be wary if a bee wants to shake hands, she probably just wants to give you a shock and then have a good laugh.

4. Bees are matriarchal. That’s right, A Bee Movie, the majority of bees that you will meet in your day to day wanderings are lady bees! Ladies tend to rule in the insect world. Different species of bee live in different social organizations, but in all cases the females are the Queens (ooh la la!) and also the workers. Males are called drones, and exist only to mate with a Queen. Why would they want to do that? To pass on their mother’s genes of course! Dude-bees don’t even have stingers.

To return to the topic of movies about matriarchal bugs in which the main characters (the majority of the insect-characters, for that matter) are male, let’s all take a moment to ask ourselves: Do we really think that a dude who looks like this:

could really score this: ?

Yeah, I don’t think so either.

I suppose Bee Mario kindof gets it right in Mario Galaxy, in that he’s wee compared to the lovely Queen Bee. Still, I must say I found it a little strange to have to crawl around on her fuzzy hide looking for star bits.

3. Bees make honey, and honey is awesome. How awesome? Well, recent research shows that a spoonful of honey is actually more effective at relieving a persistant cough or an irritated throat than cough syrup is! Well, technically the study found that honey is better at treating a cough than taking nothing at all, while dextromethorphan is not.

Apparently this is very topical research given the recent withdrawal of all baby cough syrup in Canada. So save your pennies, kids, ’cause honey tastes a fair shot better than buckleys, too!

2 . Mead comes from awesome honey too! Sweet, sweet mead, allegedly Aristotle’s favourite aperitif, and featured in the epic poem Beowulf (now a major motion picture!)

There’s even a meadery in Sooke, nearly local for the Victoria kids who frequent this wee website. If you go there, you can even ask to meet some of the bees! The mead available here is so delicious that I took some friends there (by bus) when they were visiting from Vancouver. Google maps said it was located 200 m from the bus stop. Turns out it was actually 10 Km. A lovely stroll by the ocean? Perhaps. Worth it for the sweet taste of honey wine? Absolutely. (Some readers may disagree).

1. The number 1 reason that bees are awesome is too cool to describe. Thank goodness for bee beards!

And there you have it! Five reasons that bees are awesome!

Now buzz off!

It seems to me there has been some spider-hating going down around these parts lately. Not cool, kidz, not cool! Weasel told me I should post a top five list (with pictures! Do I know how to do pictures? NO! Time to learn, woohoo!) and I thought what better thing to celebrate the five greatest of than… spiders! (Foley and Maristar, you can cover your eyes now, the pictures are coming. I hope.)

5. Charlotte. Who doesn’t love the clever and adorable title spider from E.B. White’s Charlotte’s Web? Well, okay, Foley and Maristar don’t. I do though! Ain’t she adorable?

Bonus points for the person who came up with “Charlotte’s Web Design.”

DOUBLE bonus points for the LIVE ACTION PLAY! Not Creepy at all!

4. Norah, the Tarantula at The Victoria Bug Zoo ™. Did you know that no human has ever died of a tarantula bite? It’s true! Also, a tarantula’s third line of self-defense (after running away and/or waving her feet to make herself look BIG and MENACING) is to flick her bum-hairs at you! They’re like wee porcupine quills! So cool!

Alas, I don’t have any photos of Norah from my last visit; hopefully this will do instead.

3. Spider Solitaire! Who knew that this fabulously addictive game was available FREE on my work computer? Terrible idea, productiv0rs. The cards in the game even feature a sweet spider graphic. I won on “medium” too many times, so I’ve started playing the hard (four suits) mode. I mean, I spend all of my time at the office Hard At Work.

2. Umm… How about this lady?

1. Finally, my very favourite spider: the little dude who dropped down on his little web to right in front of my face as I typed this very article. What great timing, little guy! For your panache, you win… a free trip to the great outdoors via my coffee cup.

Awesome! Spiders! Rule! Have a good weekend.

Well, I’ve been instructed to write another article by Mr. Weas. I told him all sarcastically that I may as well just cut and paste my “I have nothing to write” article from last week.

Then the jerkface gave me an assignment - basically the worst thing he could think of (which was pretty lame) - “List your 5 least favourite spiders with pictures”. Of course, I hate ALL spiders, and I don’t know ALLLLL the spiders in the world. So I’m just going to go with what I can find pictures of.

#5

Look at that evil thing. With all it’s little beady eyes. You just know it would eat you if it was bigger and had the chance. All hairy and fangy. Ugh.

#4

This plate full of spiders is deceptive. You think it’s all safe. “Oh, they’re dead!” you say to yourself. Then BAM! A spider jumps out from underneath all the dead carcasses. You just know there’s some superbig cannabalistic one lurking underneath them all waiting to get you.

#3

Again, deceptive. You think it’s a cute little doggy, then woofwoofwoofwoofwoofSPIDERATTACK!!!!

#2

See, this is what that first spider aspires to be. Remember that first one? Where I was like if spiders were giant they’d eat you? Well THAT one is about to eat that baby. PROOF!

#1

And finally, a giant fire breathing robot spider. I don’t think I need to go into anymore explanation into why this thing is pure evil.

Ok. Spiders. That’s it for me. Stay tuned to my incredibly lame forced article next week.