Coldest Year EVER!

Posted on February 13th, 2007 by weasel
Tags: , , , , ,

A lot of people have been ranting recently about it being the Warmest Year on Record in the United States (and some other places too). This obviously has a bunch of people up-in-arms about global warming.

But since when is the United States “Global?”

I won’t argue about US Temperatures rising. And sure, we have some extra ice melting up North. But if you were a decent human being you’d know that 2006 was the coldest year on record for India! Yeah that’s right, India, the country that is only a smidgen behind China in leading the world’s population. It has 4 times more people than the United States. And a huge chunk of them just DIED because you hippy assholes went out and tried saving the planet.

We have to warm up the Earth so the less fortunate, more populous countries can survive.

Ice Storm Sailboat

(Click on the image for the full-sized glory of what tree hugging does to poor sailboats)

Oh, and did anyone else notice that Antartica has increased its ice? Oh that’s right, bitches. You’re all complaining about the North Pole losing ice and you’ve completely ignored the South Pole. Yes, certain parts of the South Pole have climbed 3 degrees Celsius in the last 10 years, but as a whole the entire continent has dropped about 5 degrees celsius.

Do yourself a favour - before you make yourself look like an uneducated non-global-idiot that thinks their country spans the planet, how about you stop saying “Global Warming” and instead say “Local Climate Change.”

6 comments : D to 'Coldest Year EVER!'

  1. on February 13th, 2007 at 9:31 am #

    Ashblaster said,

    Local Climate Change is even a redundant term. The climate hasn’t stopped changing since we formed an atmosphere.

  2. on February 13th, 2007 at 10:32 am #

    Maristar said,

    *looks at weasel’s tuesday post title*
    *looks at maristar’s monday post title*

    All I’m going to say, is that this has plagarism written all over it!

  3. on February 13th, 2007 at 1:56 pm #

    weasel said,

    *secretly changes title to be more similar*

    I’m not leeching your fame! nuh-uh!

  4. Default Image

    on April 3rd, 2007 at 9:24 am #

    mary ann c golden said,

    your right all those idiots who think we are global warming are getting hot under the collar.

  5. on April 3rd, 2007 at 11:21 am #

    weasel said,

    I am not going to engage in this heated debate!

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    on March 25th, 2008 at 7:38 pm #

    LeggomyEggo said,

    You are right, and I totally agree it annoys me too! To ppl thinking we’re all going to die, come on get a grip. The Earths climate has been changing for ever, even before we had anything to do with it, and it will keep changing so GET OVER IT!

Put those fingers to the keys!

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Global Warming prevents Global Warming

Posted on February 6th, 2007 by weasel
Tags: , , , ,

Yeah that’s right, three straight weeks of Tuesday Morning sciences. If you don’t like it you can shut your trap because I’ve just setup a new “science” category down there on the left hand side. NOW WHATCHA GUNNA DO, HUH?!

Crying Baby

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Anywho, It looks like global warming is the hot topic at the water cooler this last month since one of our far-north islands, Ellesmere, had a huge chunk of ice break off of it for the first time in 3000 years. I mean huge. Like, 90% of it’s ice. Normally it was this little rock with a sheet of ice splayed around it but scientists noticed that the warmest-on-record arctic temperatures was sufficient to melt through the ice.

WELL FINALLY! Those poor polar bears couldn’t get at the taunting penguins through the ice.

Polar Bear and Penguin with cymbals

Oh wait, and What’s this? The Ellesmere Island Ice Sheets have been dissapearing since well before the industrial revolution? HOW INTERESTING!

I won’t argue that global warming isn’t happening, because I’m fairly certain it has gotten a little warmer. The lake I used to skate on every year as a kid hasn’t frozen over … well, since the last time I skated there. That’s all the proof I need. Well, sure, it could be caused by something other than mankinds dire disregard for the environment, but could it not also be that my heart is ice cold and my mere presence at said lake froze the ice? It would explain why it hasn’t frozen since I’ve been there. SCIENTIFIC!

However, people are failing to see the flip side of the coin - the planet’s oceans are the #1 absorber of CO2 and other harmful substances released into the atmosphere.

By bravely melting our ice caps, we have exposed more water to the air and the oceans are now capable of absorbing THREE TIMES MORE CO2 THAN PREVIOUSLY POSSIBLE. That’s right, ice melting due to global warming is helping to reverse global warming.

Happy good day

I don’t care what frickin’ side of the argument you’re on. You can be a corporate oil tycoon or a dirty-haired hippie. But I expect you to CHEER and clap each other on the back the next time you hear the ice is melting. That shit is nothing but good news.

Except maybe people that live in cities built below sea level. Instead of clapping each other on the back and cheering, how about you all take turns passing a pistol around and shooting the person on your left because YOU’RE SO FRICKIN’ STUPID. In my opinion, as soon as you grow old enough to realize you live below the waterline you MOVE. When there’s one of you left just give me a ring and I’ll sort something out.

PS: Those of you not yet regretting my subscription to New Scientist magazine can confirm all of my above stated arguments in the scientific publication Geophysical Research Letters, DOI:10.1029/2006GLO27028

3 comments : D to 'Global Warming prevents Global Warming'

  1. on February 6th, 2007 at 12:30 pm #

    Iright Daley said,

    Is it just me or did anyone else’s mind just get blown? It’s such a convenient truth, too!

  2. on February 6th, 2007 at 1:45 pm #

    Ashblaster said,

    New Scientist is pretty good. Living below sea level is akin to moving to a hurricane zone and wondering why your house blew away. I’ll tell you why; evil evil CLIMATE CHANGE brought on by the sins of man. I want to barf in Al Gore’s face.

  3. on February 6th, 2007 at 4:11 pm #

    Beaton said,

    Are you asking half the Netherlands to get up and find a new country? They’re pretty stubborn about living in a place that can be at any point submerged into the ocean. On the bright side, if that actually ever happens, the Dutch will probably build a real-life Sealab to prove they aren’t going anywhere and all my dreams will come true.

Put those fingers to the keys!

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SUN-DAY

Posted on July 23rd, 2006 by weasel
Tags: , , ,

Oh god the heat

8 comments : D to 'SUN-DAY'

  1. on July 23rd, 2006 at 1:16 pm #

    weasel said,

    I know, rite? It’s so hot out

  2. on July 23rd, 2006 at 8:55 pm #

    Foley said,

    It’s balls hot out. It’s so hot out, that you could put a pie in the oven to keep it cool after letting it bake on the window ledge. It’s so hot out, yo momma didn’t make it into this yo momma joke.

  3. on July 24th, 2006 at 12:15 pm #

    RandomGirl said,

    You West Coast kids are a bunch of wimps. Back in my Southern Ontario days, in the land of the 43 smog days/summer, heat like this started in April and went all summer, with occasional bursts as late as november. This meant slogging to work in 35-degree, humid as all get out, smoggy grossness that doesn’t cool off when the sun goes down. You’re whining about 30-something degrees mid-day with a refreshing breeze in the middle of July? Go jump in the ocean. And take your oven-cooled pie with you.

  4. on July 24th, 2006 at 12:37 pm #

    weasel said,

    OK, I wasn’t going to state the obvious but now yer gunna get it, RandomGrrrl.

    The issue is not that 33 degrees is hot - humans are adaptable and some live in 45+ heat all year round. The issue on hand is that it was 22 degrees last week and it’s getting down to 24 degrees the following week, yet over the weekend it “felt like” (according to the weather channel) 33 degrees. That’s a 10 degree jump.

    If your body is acclimatized to low-to-mid twenties, you can’t exactly cope with the low to mid thirties the next day.

    On the same token, your 43-degree summers that lasted 14 months of the year don’t impress me one bit, because you obviously acclimatized to it. (”Noo I didn’t acclimatize,” I hear you whining. YES YOU DID, SHUT IT)

  5. on July 24th, 2006 at 5:21 pm #

    Foley said,

    Back when I was gestating in my mom’s womb, it was 98 degrees every damn day with 100% humidity. It’s the humidity that’s really killer.

  6. on July 25th, 2006 at 10:31 am #

    RandomGirl said,

    No no no! Read my numbers properly, Mr. Rodent! _Clearly_ I said 33-degree days, with 43 “Smog Days” (Days when the “Air Quality Index,” a reading of the six most common airborn pollutants that make up smog, is higher than 100, for those who are not intimately acquainted with airqualityontario.com). Unless you just misquoted me on purpose to mock me. Hmm. Either way, I stand by my comment. Go jump in the ocean. And take yo momma with you.

  7. on July 25th, 2006 at 2:01 pm #

    Foley said,

    Now, I’m now scientician. I don’t rightly know what an ‘Index’ or an ‘Ontario’ is, but I’d thank you to stop calling my mother a whore.

  8. on July 26th, 2006 at 10:33 am #

    RandomGirl said,

    I think it’s fantastic that the Google ads are all for the Garden Weasel, a fine gardening product that took the United States of America by storm in 1976 through its unique television advertising campaign.

Put those fingers to the keys!

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